Friends don't seem to care about my life

@shakeitup

Hey Shakeitup,

Im so sorry to hear about all you are going through, its not easy, any of what you have mentioned. I hope that this response might feel like a bit of comfort in the sea of uncertainty and stress that there must be with mom being in cancer treatment, work as you mentioned, friendship stress and everything else. All of these can easily become overwhelming on their own, much less when they collide together. A lot of what is going on is likely a protective mechanism for you to deal what you are going through. The body can be a strange but wonderful thing. Strange in that sometimes its hard to understand how our body and mind are protecting us, sometimes we are aware and conscious, sometimes we have an inkling, and others not aware at all.

I wanted to reassure you that it is perfectly normal to share tough things that are going on in life with friends, especially as a code way to seek help. Having mom go through cancer treatment is a rollercoaster ride, all the stress, uncertainty and emotional pitfalls makes it challenging to deal with. Seeking support through this period is important, and a natural step, be it from family, friends, a therapist, or someone else. Having someone who can be emotionally available is important. especially as a shy person, it makes sense you would ask friends first, as I imagine you have some level of trust with them. Its not wrong of you to want your friend to check in every so often, though its possible some of them might not be able to emotionally support someone else. It is a strange and difficult time for a lot of people. This might mean having to expand who you look to and seek support from, and though scary can also be rewarding. You might meet or get to know new things about people in your circle, or even other people who are willing to give a hand and might be good contacts or share some valuable wisdom they have, or even just become a new friend.

As for the relationship with your best friend, I think it is very strong of you, to acknowledge the challenges they shared with you that day after they messaged you, you are going through so much and they complained about their life, and you acknowledged that was hard for them but also left a boundary, as I imagine you cant carry more because you are asking for support yourself, though they don't need to be emotionally exclusive. From what you said about them always speaking up first and taking over when the group is asked, it seems like this has been going on for a while. It could have multiple places it comes from but it is clear it bothers you and probably others. and that is understandable. sometimes talking through things with them and exploring perspectives can be helpful, but I understand that might not be fitted for you in this moment right now. Other times, it might clarify whether or not they deserve a trusted position of friend, whether that's a delayed decision or not.

With that other friend, I am glad that they have responded in an ok manner, and hopefully trying to be supportive. A lot of people resort to the If you need anything, as way to support without putting too much thought into it. Maybe they are really busy or are dealing with their own thing, but they do want to be supportive. Often when we are in the pain, it is hard to think out what we want or need from others, sometimes , a distraction can be helpful other times its venting, its a lot. It is defitely more ideal when the person supporting can offer specific support. No sure about the specific situation, skills, likes and all of the peple involved, but its possible that asking for a cooked dinner (so you dont need to think about making dinner, if that is a consideration on the table), or a time to hang out, or maybe go for a walk in the park, if there's one around, something that you can hopefully look forward to might be helpful in your situation.

I hope that this helps <3