Feel like I’ve lost everything

I grew up in a really isolated environment so I never had many opportunities to make friends outside of family, but there has been three that I met half my life ago. Now that I’m out in the world in college I have made more friends, but I have never been able to establish any deep connections. I don’t know how to open up to new people, but I didn’t feel like I needed to since I already was happy with the small support group I had. Obviously being friends for that long there have been bumps in the road, but we have been there for each other and they helped me through a really dark time in my life I’m still in therapy for.

Recently my best friend asked me to do something that made me uncomfortable. I have an anxiety disorder that makes it hard to express boundaries even over little things but they worded it in a way that sounded like they would be understanding, and having known them for over a decade I had no reason not to believe so obviously. I told them I didn’t want to do it. They told me they understood and I thought that was that, but something felt wrong. They were cold to me afterwards, and immediately after our mutual friend had ghosted me. Then after wondering why the air felt so weird, my best friend told me they wanted to rethink everything and to stop talking to them and that they would reach out again once they felt like it.

I tried to set a boundary with the person I trusted and who knows more about me than anyone else and they went behind my back and turned the only other people I trusted against me. I don’t know what was said about me. I have no one I can talk to outside my mom and therapist. My therapist thinks we are incompatible now and my mom thinks that these people I’ve known for so long have become toxic and are trying to manipulate me by isolating me when I won’t do what they want me to. I knew them since we were kids and I can’t see it like that. I have to go out and be professional in my practice because I can’t talk about this to people nor do I want to. I feel ill with my thoughts and my career is in jeopardy because I can’t focus on work.

I think I might be alone now and I’m scared.