Feeling done with lasting friendships

So. My past is pretty icky. Not the ickiest, but not warm and fuzzy, more like slimey and incidious. From the ages of 15-25, I had one main best friend, who ended up being a narcissist that took advantage of my mental illnesses to keep me dependent on her and constantly feeding her with supply of attention and validation. Sigh, it really messed me up.

I've moved, and I've formed new friend groups, but I've always been the sort of person who wants to nurture the friendships I have and cherish them. This got sticky with mutual friends I had with my ex-abusive "best friend". Though they seemed understanding of my experiences and listened to me... well, last year, we ALL moved. So no one is within convenient distance to hang out anymore. But I wanted to do my best to let some of my hometown friends that they were important to me and I think of them fondly, even if they're mutually friends with someone they knew hurt me...

Recently, though... those friends have become cold and one started ghosting. And then I realized our shared experiences didn't matter to them like they did to me...

It's made me really uncomfortable with even my new friendships, I just think "what's the point... when they'll just decide I'm not worth the time one day..." I want friends who I can grow old with, but that's treated as unreasonable? I don't meab message each other evryday close, but just.. happy to hear from each other... jeez, is that so bad...?