Closest friends ditched me

Two months ago, my two best friends up and stopped talking to me. Blocked me on everything. I tried reaching out with no luck. Ive been crying every day. Finally in the last day or two Ive learned that it was because they felt they could no longer support me in my depression. I dont agree with everything they said but ultimately I understand their feelings. I know it can be draining to be around a depressed person all the time. I just wished they had talked to me before the problem got as big as it did.

Its so so easy to want to give up. To feel like Ill never have meaningful connections. I miss my friends whom I loved with my whole heart. Im hoping that in some time, they will talk to me again. Im truly trying to work on myself and even if it wasnt how I would have handled things I think at the end of the day their actions were loving. Im just so lonely without them. Its hard for me to make friends.

If you got this far, thank you. Im sure somebody here will understand. Im trying not to but I just hate myself for pushing them away. That was the last thing I wanted to do. Im just so lost feeling.