Why am i so complicated?
So i'm sorta new here, so i apologize if i make any mistakes here.
Well where do i start. I'm 26 years old, and started talking to a guy one month ago. He sent me a message on facebook and we clicked pretty well from the first moment. We talked a lot on a daily basis, including voice notes. A few days later we facetimed for the first time. He wanted to meet but i wasn't ready, as this was pretty much the first time i talked to a guy this much. Eventually we met around 2 weeks ago for the first time. It was really nice, i felt save and comfortable with him. 3 Days after that we met again at his place. He cooked for us, and certain things happened when i stayed over. Two days after he seemed a bit weird, so i asked him whats wrong. And he told me he doesn't fall in love with me as fast as he'd hoped. It has nothing to do with me apparently but he needs more time.
So i try to give him that, and we met again this week, drove around the city in the car and everything was fine and comfortable. He did say i need to be a bit more chill about the situation which i understand. I just always get the feeling that when we text i sort of annoy him, but when we meet it's more relaxed.
So i guess my problem right now is that i'm scared of losing him, and my mental health is a but of a mess right now. But i never opened up to anyone, physically and mentally, aside from him. He said he has no intentions in hurting me.
But i wonder if i hurt myself by being so much in my head and thoughts about the whole situation?
I'm not sure any of this made any sense really. But i had to get it off my chest.
@lonelygirl077
Just try to manage your expectations. It came across to me like you are more invested in him emotionally than he is in you. Because you already trust him and you are looking for someone to feel safe with, it’s easy to convince yourself prematurely that what you have with him is therefore ‘special’ (because you don’t confide in other people, you confide in him), or that it has more potential than it actually does. Keep in mind this is only the first month and you’ve only met him a number of times.
If he has already been intimate with you on the second meeting, and if you have some kind of trust issues, then maybe that intimate bonding meant something else to you (something more) than it did to him. Especially if he behaved differently afterwards, specifically told you that he ‘didn’t fall in love with you as fast as he had hoped’, and that you need to chill in the situation a little.
Those are his ways of communicating to you that your level of investment in him is a bit much and that he is seeing in you a depth of feeling and expectation that is more than he’s prepared to commit to right now.
Also, when people say ‘I have no intention to hurt you’ - be very cautious not to interpret that as ‘they won’t hurt me’. All too often we are hurt by situations in which our partners initially denied any intention to hurt us, and it is often true, that they had no ill intention to hurt us and did not go out of their way to harm us or damage us emotionally. But nonetheless the relationship for whatever reason might not work out the way we hoped, and we are hurt by them, and by our own unfulfilled expectations.
In short, it’s not uncommon for us to overestimate the potential of a connection, especially if we are hoping for a particular outcome - we might not always see the person as they actually are; but as we hope they might be. It can only benefit you to take the time to get to know him better and manage your expectations accordingly.
CatsInTheCradle
You need to protect your heart. Any person who says they don't want to hurt you might definitely do so down the road. They pick up that you're sensitive and are saying this so you trust them more. If he acts differently in person than he does on his phone is also not a great sign. It means that he gives you two different sides to him. Most normal people act like what you see is what you get. If he's not the same person as before then you are seeing his mask fall. Sometimes we put on our best selves for a person and if we have different higher expectations then both or one is going to feel disinterested. The person who actually likes and loves you, you will NOT, I repeat, NOT need to question if you annoy him or he lovrs you. You will just know. Talking from experience, if he's giving you weird vibes that is your gut telling you something is wrong and you need to analyze this situation. Far too many people get stuck in unhealthy attachments for too long until you wake up one day and you don't recognize yourself in the mirror. My advice is take things slow, if he is the right person he will not rush you for anything. My heart goes out to you because I'm still struggling with my own breakup after not listening to my gut or seeing the warning signs early. Be safe.
