Toxic realationships
It has been difficult for me to date. My past relationships have for the most part been abusive in some kind of way. I know there is a possibility to meet a great person who would love me unconditionally. I tried dating for a few months recently but that did not work out to good. In 7 years that is the only "relationship" I have been in. I have used the last 7 years to work on myself and figure out what it is that is so wrong with me and try to make me right.
This last short relationship kind of hurt my hopes for actually having a healthy relationship. Now I'm thinking maybe nothing is "wrong" with me. Reading the 7Cups book shed light on something I didn't even realize, maybe I have learned to be attracted to abusive men and I can unlearn this behavior.
Congratulations on learning that yes, we can be attracted to a certain type of person. For me, it is alcoholics and addicts. I found Al-Anon and learned all of this. I learned I had a “bad picker” 😂. I had to learn what it was with me that was causing me to pick all the wrong guys…. I had to recognize the luggage I had and work through a lot of it and that helped me change myself… and my picker got better! But I also recently learned that when you start off with a “bad picker” and then get a “good picker”… I learned you have to do things to maintain the “good picker” through the years, in other words… I have to stay vigilant of my behaviors so I don’t fall to my old behaviors because doing so makes my picker go from good to bad or I destroy relationships. I hope you find whatever it is that you need. You are worthy of happiness! 🤗
Thanks. I am starting to look at things a little differently. I realize now progress is not a 1 and done. I have been complacent in my growth but no more. Such an awesome community🥰🥰
@courageousPomegranate766
Your introspection is a step in the right direction. While it is never acceptable to be abusive in a relationship, we do have to consider that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. The partners that we choose do tend to reflect something about ourselves.
But you are not your past! You can definitely learn, and grow and change. You can choose different things and build new relationships. Don’t be discouraged! It’s disheartening at times when relationships don’t work out, but even failed relationships tell us something about our needs, what we yearn for, what our boundaries are, the kind of person we are looking for, and the kinds of people that hinder us. ‘Good judgement comes from bad experience… and bad experience comes from bad judgement!’
Wishing you strength and courage on your journey~! All the best.
CatsInTheCradle