No feelings after first date

@diplomaticOcean2966

while it is nice you have things in common and seem to be looking for the same things etc..... Dating IMO is not a job interview.........

I had a few dates like this and i simply did not go on further dates because if they were more interested then i was i only felt going on second/ third dates just sent the wrong message and hurt a few feelings ...

i have had met someone and became friends........ while at first felt nothing......... it grew into an attraction but that was before we thought about a dating ..... i am not sure it would have progressed if we started to date before our feeling grew ... i bet we would have shook hands and walked away

And what happened with the crush…? ^^

I think when people have more experience with dating, they gain more accurate expectations with their relationships. I think what you might be looking for is someone who is perhaps a little more “exciting” or someone you’re more attracted to initially … “Nice” usually amounts to a lack of attraction. They check all the right boxes on paper 📝 BUT they just don’t excite you, they don’t make you feel like life will be an adventure, there’s something TOO SAFE about them, that although that usually does make for sound relationships there’s just something vanilla and less appealing about that, isn’t there…?

Everyone wants something MORE. And after you date many people, and have your heart broken a few times by a variety of different people, many of whom were probably attractive and exciting and less vanilla, you might eventually come back to this moment and realize that you had that little checklist for a reason, with certain criteria on it that promoted good, healthy relationships. BUT yes - there’s this other side of dating, that craves excitement and a little bit of danger, and usually after experiencing all of it you find a kind of healthy balance, and gain better judgement over what your specific needs are, and the kinds of people that you’re drawn to (and the flaws in your “type” 😹)

So explore yourself and date widely! Make mistakes and discover your boundaries. Try asking him a provocative question. He might surprise you. 😂 But the important thing is your experiences with people (even the “mistakes” that will be your exes) will probably guide you forward much better than any particularly checklist; or at least your checklist will be much better informed ultimately by a wide range of actual dating experiences than what you might presuppose with only shallow dating experience.

CatsInTheCradle

@diplomaticOcean2966

Ocean I don't know you personally and therefore don't know all the details of this situation, but as far as what you told us here, I really think that this is perfectly normal and that you have nothing to worry about.

It is up to you what you will choose to do (or not) with the guy, since you don't have any feelings (yet).

I would like to share my story briefly, as I was in a similar position like you with my current boyfriend. Your posts sounds just like I wrote it then. At first, I didn't have emotions and to this day I am not able to really pinpoint why that was (could be for various reasons like for example lack of initial physical attraction, or the overall feeling that he was just "too into me too fast", some natural and acceptable signs of anxiety I was seeing in him...) Anyway, we went on more dates and at that time I really wanted to call the whole thing off, as I didn't want to string him along while having no deep emotions. I talked to him very honestly about this and he accepted that we would be just friends.

After a while (2 months) of frequently hanging out as friends, having so much fun (he is extremely funny and I found that humor and fun in general are just lacking in my life) I watched myself develop deep feelings for him. And if someone would have asked me prior to that, I would say that there is no way in life that this is going to turn out this way. Long story short, we are now together for 8 months + 2 months of being friends on top of those 8 months. And I genuinly feel that I have never loved anyone more in my life, although I had very intense emotional relationships previously. I am so lucky to have met him and feel overly privileged to call myself his girlfriend :)

I am not suggesting by this that you definitelly need to give this guy a shot at every cost, but perhaps just to give yourself the time to start your relationships as friends first, with no expectations of the outcome of that friendship. In that way, you will have the chance to get to know him deeply and who knows, maybe you will catch yourself developing feelings, just like I did. If not, then you will have a good friend, which is also amazing. See, this is a win-win situation :)

I wish you the best of luck and sending lots of hugs ❤️