Never dated, panicking
Hey guys, could use some help here. So I’m in my early 20s and have never dated. I just got asked out for the first time today. I don’t know the person too well. We had briefly met while at work, but he seemed very nice and my coworker had good things to say about him. Asked for my number so I gave it to him and we have been texting back and forth occasionally.
I am honestly terrified and anxious because I have been enjoying the freedom of being single and not sure if I’m ready to give that up. I don’t know if I can handle everything a relationship entails. I can hardly get my own act together sometimes and am really not a romantic person either. Romance kind of makes me sick to my stomach which is why I thought I would be single for life and am okay with being single for life.
He’s also apparently really into me just from our one interaction from what my coworker told me and I just don’t understand how if we don’t really know each other. Is that a red flag?
I didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to be rude so I thought I should at least give it a chance. But now that I think about it I just don’t think I’m the person he’s looking for and I don’t want to waste his time. I don’t know if I can handle this. I just feel this intense fear welling up in me and I don’t know what to do when it comes to this stuff as I have zero experience. I’m panicking. Not sure if I’m overreacting/overthinking or not. Maybe it’s just because it’s completely out of my comfort zone? Is it normal to feel uncomfortable like this? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
@MarP id just be careful I was always told not to date at work take it slow is all i can say we can't give advice out here
Yeah I am worried about that too. I guess it’s good that at least we hardly ever see each other at work. The only reason why I met him was because I was working on a different floor than I usually do. But thank you, very good point, will consider this.
I really appreciate you helping me consider this and the potential consequences it could have. So I have decided to meet him out side of work over coffee and talk to him about this. I’ll treat this as a meet up between friends. I plan to discuss with my supervisor or HR and ask about our policies when I come back to work on Monday for clarification on proper coworker boundaries and the best approach to this for the good of your respective careers before it has the chance evolves into anything else. I’m 1 year into this job and this is my first professional job. Sometimes I feel the lines between personal and work can get a bit blurry so I don’t think it would be frowned upon to ask, and my supervisor is very approachable so I feel they would respect my honesty.
Hey, if you don’t want to be in a relationship that’s ok! It’s fine if you aren’t ready for one now or if you simply are aromantic (a person who doesn’t experience romantic attraction). You don’t owe this guy anything, especially after just one date. The whole point of a date is to see if you guys click on both ends. Just because he’s into you doesn’t mean that you owe him your affection in return. If you think that you’re ready to start a relationship, maybe try one more date or check out a dating app, but since it sounds like you aren’t ready right now then don’t worry about it. Just explain to the guy that you think he’s nice but you’ve decided that you aren’t looking for a relationship right now. Hope this helps :)
@Fep and yes, it is ok to feel nervous in this situation! Dating can be daunting and most people feel at least a little nervous when they first start doing it. It took me months to ask out my current partner one I figured out that I had feelings for them. I was so incredibly nervous but also excited. If you aren’t excited at the prospect of going on another date (whether it’s with this guy or in general), then it’s not worth sticking with it.
@MarP
one date is not a commitment ..... just a date act like it is a just friends thing....making yourself anxious will only make it the date go badly
do not put pressure on yourself about every word or reaction .... maybe after spending time he will see the real you not what he has in his head......that is what happens often in first attraction
maybe you will see something more in him but if neither of you do that is OK too.......
Update: So after a lot of thought, I talked to him and we ended it before the first date. I told him about my concerns of this hurting us at work and creating complicated issues in work/life balance in trying to separate work life and personal life. He was super sweet and understanding about it, which makes me feel like the worst person on earth, but honestly I think it was the right thing to do. We had only been talking 4 days and within those 4 days, I could barely hold myself together each day and my mental health was completely ripped up - not because of anything he did but because of how anxious I was from not feeling completely ready to be in a relationship and also the potential risk it could have for our careers. I still feel terrible about it, but also somewhat relieved. I have learned from this and now better know my own boundaries and will never date a coworker.
@MarP it was best to end things dating co-workers is uncharted territory glad he understood all the best to you and your endeavors.