Feeling like a fool
Recently found out that my husband texts other women all night long and now it's starting to be during the day to. Also found out that he cheated not that long ago. He had his excuses for the affair and honestly that's not what I have the biggest issue with. It's the texting other women almost constantly. He says it's nothing but he refuses to let me see any of the texts and won't let me even touch his phone. He says it's because I'm a very jealous person and will make it something that it's not. I've told him how much it bothers me but he refuses to stop doing it. Tells me I just have to accept it and get over it basically. How foolish am I?
@limegreenPenguin3507
You're not a fool, you're a human being with feelings and emotions.
If you have expressed to your husband how this is making you feel and he has dismissed those feelings he is the fool. Relationship's take effort, and it sounds as if he is putting all of his 'effort' into others.
My partner had an 'online fling' with someone, I found out. I explained to him that all of the energy he was putting into that 'virtual / fantasy world' was taking something out of our relationship. He had not considered it that way. I don't believe he does it anymore, and we seem much stronger.
The not allowing you to see his phone is a worry, as it may be that he is trying to hide the content of his messages. Do you feel you can explain that this is causing you to mistrust him? That its causing you a lot of negative feelings? It is not fair that you have been told to 'put up and shut up' by him, that is very dismissive.
You are worth time and attention, and the dedication that you made to one another when you got married. you are not in the wrong here, and you are not a fool either.
Sending a big hug your way
Ok, first of all - the same thing happened to me only I wasn't married (thank God). It's actually something I noticed he did all the time and would hide his phone screen from my field of view. The trust in the relationship eroded so badly that we broke up about it. He made it about me but I think he had a backup on the side he was messaging because I would see all these girls notifications pop up when he would show me stuff on his phone. Just the thought of a person doing this to you and not wanting to talk about it, or worse, blaming you is horrendous behavior and we really need to put more boundaries in place so we don't get hurt. I feel people like this keep doing these things to us because there are no repercussions and you might not have any strong boundaries set up for yourself. We need to hold our partners responsible for their behavior before the damage is completely irreversible. Marriage is hard enough without complicating it with other people getting involved. You need to have a discussion about it with him. Talk about what is ok and what isn't ok in the relationship with you. And if he doesn't see anything wrong then you can either stay and put up with it or take a break from the relationship. The red flags in the beggining sometimes are what cause the actual relationship to fail. We just ignore them because we want to have a happy life. I still have horrible anxiety from the hints of cheating that I saw. My partner would never own up to the weird behavior with his phone, nor admit to what he had done. I was replaceable to him and honestly the trust was at 0. Just decide if you want to continue on or if you need to take action.
