Introduction

@ItsLee: Yay discussion!

@Philbear: Oorah!

@ChillORiley: Relationship support team Riley here to help with your discussion

@ItsLee: Hello everyone and welcome to our Relationship support session. I'm Lee!

@Philbear: Hi there everyone, my name is Phillip, and today I have my amazing co-partner @ItsLee assisting with today's relationship discussion!

@Philbear: Today we will be thinking about What Forms A Healthy Relationship!

@ItsLee: Lets remember to show kindness and support to others in the group at all times.

@Philbear: If you would like more support during the time of this discussion, please connect 1-1 with a listener.

@ItsLee: Everyone is welcome to share and participate as they would like, but we respectfully ask you to limit your conversations in this room for the time being so the discussion can take place!

Q1 - Icebreaker

@Philbear: So I thought before we get started with this discussion, how about a little ice-breaker?! A question to all of you to think about with us is: Describe your dream relationship in 3 words. We would love to hear what you all think.

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@ChillORiley: Compassionate, fun and adventure.

@Philbear: I think my dream relationship, in 3 words, would be: Honesty, Tea, and Happiness!

@lilystars: Trust, respect, and love.

@bubblingLove76: Honesty, Romance and Trust.

@ItsLee: Compassion, Understanding and Trust.

@Jakkob: 1. Love. 2. Acceptance. 3. Permanence.

@ivorySouth6892: Trusting, happiness and loving.

@Becomingalioness: Agape, truth and consistency.

@braveLemon0302: Understanding, compassion, and acceptance.

@Maupo: Funny, trustworthy, and love.

@Tennis1989: Passionate, adventurous and secure.

@courteousFarm2800: Encouraging, Patient and Dynamic.

@braveSugar7964: Nurturing, respectful and equal.

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Key Points:

@optimisticDog9870: I think "dynamic" is a key factor to a lasting (long term) relationship.

@QuickJazz: Good communication, or rather good methods of being able to express ourselves to one another, can be very important in a relationship.

@Maupo: The hard thing about this question is, I guess, that everybody wants a perfect relationship. But there is no such thing because no one is perfect.

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Summary:

We can see from this section that everyone is quite unique in what they deem is important in their own relationship, and rightly so! Though the general consensus leans towards trust and honesty as a major requirement.

Q2 - Can Relationships Be Healthy And Unhealthy?

@ItsLee: Question 2, here! Can relationships be healthy and unhealthy?

@LynnLyz: Yes.

@OliveOcean: Definitely, LOL.

@Maupo: Yes! Definitely.

@lilystars: I think there can be aspects of both, and most relationships are like that.

@Philbear: I believe in a relationship there can be a lot of happiness, and some hurt, but we can learn so much through those "down" moments which allow us to truly enjoy everything the relationship has to offer. Just like us, no relationship is ever perfect but working together with each other truly makes things wonderful!

@QuickJazz: Sometimes a healthy relationship can turn unhealthy overtime too. Things can change, different needs, etc.

@passionatePineapple6271: Yes, relationships can be both. Just as they involve give and take, I think that to make it work is the willingness to work through the unhealthy parts and not just ignore them.

@optimisticDog9870: Whats an example of an unhealthy part of a relationship?

@Philbear: An unhealthy part of a relationship could refer to the inability to openly discuss problems that occur in the relationship. I know for myself, personally, it is something I have had to deal with. And it can be quite unhealthy and hard at times, but once you get to work through it opens up a whole new set of doors to explore.

@lipsticklycanthrope: Also, it fluctuates. An event or a conversation or whatever can change the dynamic of the relationship so a healthy relationship might not stay healthy and ditto with an unhealthy relationship.

@Jakkob: Emotionally manipulative behaviour can usually become unhealthy in a relationship.

@Bluesberry: Sometimes there is a giver and a taker. The equilibrium is there. But the giver ends up breaking down eventually. And it is hard to restore a new balance.

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Key Points:

@Jakkob: What is healthy for one person, may be unhealthy for another person.

@ChillORiley: Absolutely, most relationships are juxtaposed due to the intimate nature of relationships. There is a ying and a yang to all relationships, not everything is perfect, not everything is bad. The hope is to find one where the good far outweighs the bad.

@NobleLion: No relationship is 100% healthy. There are some areas of a relationship where both parties are able to thrive while there are other areas that can form a wedge whenever a couple ventures there.

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Summary:

So, we kind of have the consensus here that relationships CAN be healthy and unhealthy, and that it CAN be relative based on the person. But it's about working together and finding the good that outweighs the bad along with an open line of communication.

Q3 - What Do You Feel Describes A Healthy Relationship?

@Philbear: Alright guys, if I may, let us tackle Question 3: What do you feel describes a healthy relationship?

@Jakkob: Not being "punished" by your partner for any honest expressions of your true feelings.

@QuickJazz: Healthy relationship... Definitely open communication and ability to compromise/address issues to move forward and working together as a team.

@Philbear: To me, besides trust and communication I would feel that in my relationships being able to emphasize with your partner and feel what mood they are in and to adjust would be crucial in those "hard" moments that life brings.

@littleLion1403: I think what makes it healthy is to be happy with yourself without others.

@Philbear: @littleLion1403 really well said! Indeed you need to be happy in and of yourself and not expect your partner to be responsible for your own happiness! And that they are only an extension of your own happiness.

@NobleLion: Respecting and speaking up to your partner. Being able to compromise and be supportive at the same time. Also, be willing to give each other some time.

@braveSugar7964: First and foremost I think it has to be fun. Obviously, life gets in the way, but being able to make someone laugh is brilliant.

@NobleLion: Relationships are always changing. What matters is that you are vigilant about these changes and the actions that should be taken.

@passionatePineapple6271: I am learning that a great relationship is about not just accepting the other person but all their baggage, without judgement, and encouraging them to be who they are, and not trying to change them, because if they change they wont be the person you fell in love with.

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Key Points:

@bubblingLove76: I think being able to have disagreements without arguing and becoming hostile is a sign of a healthy relationship.

@passionatePineapple627: Communication is key but also a sense of safety. It is so important to feel safe enough to communicate in a relationship, for the other person to validate your concerns and issues, even when they don't agree, but for them to be open and accepting of your perspective, especially when it differs from theirs. We all have different experiences and they make us who we are

@optimisticDog9870: A healthy relationship should include the self-growth part.

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Summary:

So a healthy relationship involves equilibrium, trust, and safety. We need to feel free to speak our minds and be ourselves, and know that our partner will be there to accept us regardless. We come from different places and backgrounds, and we need to love all of those differences and treat them with compassion. But, all around, they have to feel positive too - and like @braveSugar7964 said, be fun!

I am about to lead another one of these discussions within the next 5 minutes so I just wanted to inform you all that I WILL get this transcript of sorts done ASAP and would truly appreciate if the commenting/further discussion could be left UNTIL then as I would love to have the whole picture in before such a time. Woe is the day I can't edit my own posts, LOL!

Please be sure to bookmark this page and check back in a day or so, I will do my best to get done ASAP, but as I said, there were 80 pages to go through, over 23,000 words! Heh!

Q4 - Can An Unhealthy Relationship Become A Healthy Relationship, And Vice-Versa?

@Philbear: Alright guys, a really interesting one I put to all of you... Can an unhealthy relationship become a healthy relationship, and vice-versa?

@affectionateAvocado35: Yes, although an unhealthy one becoming healthy is more difficult to achieve.

@michelleashleyx: A healthy relationship can absolutely turn unhealthy.

@ItsLee: It's easier to slip into negative habits, than rebuild.

@lipsticklycanthrope: Everything is changing all the time. It's 100% possible for the dynamic to change. I think another thing to look out for, though, is cycles. A relationship can cycle back to unhealthy repeatedly.

@ItsLee: That kind of brings us back to the point of perseverance that I think @Jakkob made earlier. Perseverance can be key to getting through those short term bumps.

@Philbear: Exactly that, Lee, if we are to just give up when things get tough how are we to truly know how things COULD have been if we just up and left? Everything in life will have its ups and downs but WITHOUT the downs as comparison how are we to truly enjoy all the good from the ups? I will never personally regret any of the downs as they have made me who I am today, I have learnt so much from it and am truly grateful.

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Key Points:

@Philbear: And to me, in my own honest opinion that is an ABSOLUTE YES! I believe that once you start a relationship there is so little we know about the other person and it takes quite a long time to truly know them and understand how they think/act/react and there are bound to be mistakes/hurt feelings etc. So it is those moment that can be turned around, mistakes seen, understood and dealt with.

@Zedda: It depends on who it's unhealthy for in my opinion. If it's unhealthy for both for the same reason I'd be doubtful, but if it's only unhealthy for one then maybe an understanding can be reached.

@passionatePineapple6271: To me it means that you ultimately trust the other person, that what is important to them becomes more important to you than your own, and that you are willing to give up your wishes and desires for those of the other person. You put them first and do and give freely without expecting anything in return, that you think, act and speak in a way to make the other feel supported, loved, cared for and valued... When the other does the same it is about as perfect a relationship as we can have as a human... Just my opinion.

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Summary:

So we have a bit of mixed feelings here! On one hand we are able to turn a failing relationship around, on the other it could potentially lead to a worsened state. This is quite interesting and truly shows the diversity in all of us! So unhealthiness in relationships can be a culmination of a lot of things. Some common points being not respecting the other, losing yourself in the relationship, and feeling disrespected.

Q6 - How Do You Know You

Q7 - What Can Be Done Once The Trust In A Relationship Is Broken?

@Philbear: Alright guys so we've spoken a lot about trust and how important it is in a relationship, but what can be done once the trust in a relationship is broken? Do you feel the relationship is salvageable thereafter? Is it the end? Would staying in it only delay the inevitable?

@Zedda: @Philbear in my opinion it's never the same but it doesn't mean things can't improve.

@ChillORiley: Trust in a relationship is paramount to me, once broken, the relationship is over.

@affectionateAvocado35: It depends if the people wish to salvage it or not.

@ItsLee: For me personally, I don't think I can trust again in the situation of infidelity.

@braveSugar7964: I think I could possibly forgive infidelity, depending on the circumstances.

@Philbear: To me, personally, it depends on the situation. If I was cheated on and that broke my trust there is very little that could change the outcome of that unless I truly loved and gave that person my everything and I don't see myself being with anyone else. If it were lies, dishonesty, I could learn to deal with that but I would request full honesty, to talk instead of keeping things, etc. It would break the trust barrier, for a while, but I do think I could come back from it and learn to trust again. Though cheating, again, is a very different topic altogether.

@Darryl99: You can talk about what you do in all these situation until you are blue in the face, there is no way of knowing what you would do until it happens.

@ItsLee: I hold loyalty very high, so I'd have an issue if I felt that was dishonoured.

@fiercephoenix1298: You can correct your mistakes by showing someone how much you care for them, giving them a little more time and attention than you did before and being completely honest and loyal what so ever.

@Zedda: There are two types of lying though, malicious, or protective. Sometimes they're misinterpreted but I very much accept how it will always be result negatively.

@ItsLee: I agree with @Zedda that there are different kinds of love. As an example, in psychology, they teach that there is passionate love (at the beginning of the relationship) and companionate love (that comes over time).

@Jdguier1: Trust can be rebuilt.

@braveSugar7964: I don't think you can 'accidently' do something to betray your partners trust. We all have free will.

@Philbear: An accident can truly happen, in that what you do not say/share to your partner may not be apparent to them and they may be hurt by it, just like your own words could hurt them in their understanding of it, or even your actions, when it was never your intention. I believe, as humans, we all make our own mistakes and our culture or religion does not define us, and it all depends at the end of the day on what we are currently going through and how we choose to react.

@lilystars: Lee, it depends. I can honestly forgive a lot, but even if I were to forgive I draw a clear line at how much I'm willing to accept in a relationship. And how much I'm willing to trust again.

@cynn27: I don't believe trust can be rebuilt.

@Cocobean83: I've tried to forgive when trust is broken and I can forgive, to a point, but you don

Q8 - Is Love Necessary For A Healthy Relationship?

@ItsLee: Next Question: Okay, so we talked about love a little bit, but do you think love is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship?

@QuickJazz: I think it may depend on whether the couple feel that love is important. I think some relationships seem to work without it.

@Philbear: To understand if love is necessary in a healthy relationship, we first need to define love. What is love, to each of you?

@braveSugar7964: I think companionship is very important. Maybe because I'm older, and I've just been horribly hurt in love, I may just consider companionship as enough now.

@Jdguier1: Love is going above and beyond for the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

@affectionateAvocado35: I think even those who do not know each other well can have a healthy relationship.

@fiercephoenix1298: Honestly I don't think any relationship can function properly without love. Love and happiness are correlated.

@cynn27: Love is showing the person you care about them and want them to be happy. Both together and apart.

@lilystars: I think long lasting love is the truest kind of companionship. It's about wanting to spend your life as best friends with a single person. That's just my take.

@Philbear: To me, love is the act of respecting your partner, to be able to share in everyday activities together, from cooking to watching movies to just spending time together. Love is happiness, love is joy, love is kind, and love can even be that calm of just sitting next to each other and reflecting upon life. I have been in a loveless relationship for 4 years, where I stayed to help the other person further their life, I was the support they needed and while I feel it was morally wrong, both to myself and to them, at the end of the day they have learnt just as much from it as I have.

@lilystars: @Philbear did you tell that person in the end that you were not in love? Just curious.

@Philbear: @lilystars, I had to tell the truth in the end. You see, as many have said; there are DIFFERENT types of love. I cared, DEEPLY, for that person. But I didn't have that passionate love that you would normally get in a healthier relationship, nor the feelings and actions that come with it. I made it very clear of that type of love, and that it wasn't their fault at all, no one was to blame, and it is where incompatibility comes into play.

@fiercephoenix1298: To me love is the genuine feeling of satisfaction and contentment with everything that is going on in one

Q9 - Describe Your Ex And The Good They Brought Into Your Life

@Philbear: For the next 5 minutes only, we are asking you to jump in and describe your ex, BUT, there is a twist! We would like you to please think of all the good that came of that relationship, let there be positivity as negativity only slows down our progress.

@ItsLee: Sassy Phil!

@Philbear: To describe my ex, in a nice way... It would be that friend I had, who I could come home to after a long day at work, and she would offer me a massage, a snack and some refreshment while I sit down to my emails, without me ever asking for it... All the consideration, it was truly amazing.

@affectionateAvocado35: Which ex?

@Philbear: Good question, @affectionateAvocado35, how about the last ex, or the ex that you were with the longest.

@bubblingLove76: My ex was the ultimate giver. She would almost get insulted if I tried to do the same for her. She touched me like no other and not just physically. She touched my soul. I miss her so much.

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Key Points:

@ItsLee: The one I was with the longest. Hm. He was brilliant, absolutely stunningly brilliant.

@QuickJazz: Positive - My ex would try to support me when I was having a hard time. It was one of the lowest points in my life at the time, and my previous ex hadn't provided that before, so that was nice. Regarding that previous ex, he had lots of patience in other ways, however, and that helped me a lot too. I don't miss my exes by contrast. Had a great time, but left them both at a time that was ultimately great for me. Even if the first time didn't seem so at the time. Within a few months, I was able to look back and truly realise it was a blessing.

@NotMe7: Ok. Positive about my ex. He taught me that there is gentleness in a relationship. But, someone said there is no condition or contract, yet there is. In love we can't have free reign to hurt that person.

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Summary:

It is apparent that even though at one point we were inlove with our ex and things didn't quite work out the way we intended, we at least have moved on and learnt a great deal from them. I believe that is the best thing we could have ever taken with us.

In Closing / Acknowledgements / Thank You's

@ItsLee: I just want to send a heartfelt thanks to all of you who participated. I appreciate you all making this so enjoyable, insightful, and beautiful. Honestly, the hour passed by so quickly! I'm sending love to you all.

@ItsLee: And a thank you to @Philbear, who had my back, and who was an amazing discussion partner.

@Philbear: In closing, I want to take the time to thank ALL of you for participating in this wonderful discussion tonight. To be honest, I was a little bit on the cautious side as this was my very first discussion I've ever led but thanks to such an amazing partner @ItsLee tonight proved, in my opinion, to be a great success and I feel like I've learnt a great deal more about others and their opinions in matters that not only mirror my own but add to it. So thank you all for being here and adding to tonight's discussion, and I truly hope we can all meet again in another of these discussions!

@QuickJazz: Thank you very much for the discussion today, great hosts and great participants! I spent most of my time reading all of your responses than participating, but I really enjoyed it and hope to see you all again soon

@ItsLee: Have a wonderful evening/day/who knows everyone!

@fiercephoenix1298: It was great talking to all of you. Thank you for everything. Until the next time. Hugs and love.

@ItsLee: Hugs!!

@Philbear: It was great having you here, @fiercephoenix1298! *HUGS!*

@Philbear: I hope you all will continue being the amazing people that you are, of such great minds and amazingly warm hearts! And I hope some of what we have discussed tonight has given you insight into relationships, as it has for me. Please just know that this room is open 24/7 so you are all free to discuss amongst yourselves and share and ask questions! We came to start this party, now please, go wild, be safe and have fun! Peace & Love to you all!

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I just want to send out a personal shout-out to @michelleashleyx who helped me tremendously in staying awake whilst I was busy summarising 23,000 words to just under 4,000 words and even helped write a summary herself, to bring you this (hopefully) insightful document on what makes a relationship tick and the many views that can be seen thanks to all the amazing people who attended this discussion!

You are all free to discuss things further should you wish to, or event comment on each section and add your own views/opinions. The discussions never end, this is just the beginning!

May you all find the happiness and love that you truly deserve!