I feel like i

So this is kinda complicated but i hope i can get everything down.

So one month ago i made a really bad decision. My younger brother (15) was having a small get together with some of his closest friends and they wanted alcohol. At the time my thought was "i'm not your parent, so i don't care." so i bought it for him. i know, i was not thinking at all and really regret it.

so of course my mom found out and confronted me with tears in her eyes, saying how she felt like she's failed as a parent and that she doesn't know who i am anymore. so feeling guilty i fessed up and also confessed to sneaking out to stay the night with my bf, and smoking. she was devastated and i took off.

since then we've tried to resolve the situation but it more and more feels like if i don't conform to my parents and expectations i won't be allowed to see my bf anymore. especially after they found out i had premarital s*x with him. (my parents are very religious christians)

so now im only allowed to see my bf for a few hours at a time at my house so my parents can keep an eye on us. (keep in mind we're both 18 which means we're not minors where we live) which feels totally unfair since it's been a month now, i apologized and said i wouldn't lie or smoke or anything anymore but they still "don't trust me". i feel like i have no control over my life anymore.

what really hurts tho is that my brother is still allowed to hang out with his friends despite them pressuring him (continued in comments?)