Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to support my husband with chronic conditions and past trauma

LenEl April 14th, 2020

My lovely husband has battled with with chronic pain and chronic insomnia since he was very young. He is 41 now. He is officially disabled as these problems prevent him holding down a job. He has also experienced a fair amount of trauma both in his childhood and in a previous relationship with an abusive partner who belittled him and used his issues to have power over him. He also has some degree of dismorphia (sorry if I have spelt that correctly) and issues with gender identity. We are both bisexual and he has often said he feels he's more of a lesbian in a man's body!

Due to these things, he has bouts of deep depression when he feels his body lets him down in all ways and he can't do what he wants to and so can't find purpose or pride in himself. I try to support, encourage and comfort him the best I can, because to me he is wonderful. But when he gets so moody he often shuts me out and is totally uncommunicative and grumpy. He tells me to leave him alone to be sad, and if I can't bring myself to, he gets incredibly upset to the point of shouting and crying and shutting himself in a room. I find this so hard to deal with.

Also because of insomnia he often sleeps very different hours to me, which I know he can't help. But especially as we are together in lockdown I keep finding myself taking it personally that he is up half the night and sleeps most of the day away, leaving me alone. I busy myself with hobbies, but I'm worried that I'm becoming resentful.

1
faithlove1111 April 25th, 2020

@LenEl , The lockdown has indeed caused some emotionsl changes is all over lives. Maybe the links below might help you understand and face the build up of emotions in you .

https://www.7cups.com/getting-unstuck/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/03/smarter-living/coronavirus-relationship-advice.html