At what point does regular contact, become, "clingy"?
I'm in a LDR, and I personally hate clinginess, although I enjoy being in regular contact. Sometimes I realize the need for space, so we aren't wasting each other's time, and instead having quality time when we do meet. But sometimes I can't be too strict on this and simply have to follow my heart.
In any case, what are your thoughts? To what extent does keeping in touch, talking, become clingy?
I guess it just depends on the person's level of tolerance for contact. I think most people probably don't want a conversation that goes on for hours or to see someone every day. I don't have a lot of experience tbh but on the other hand there is someone that I am able to chat with in whatever free time we have and he seems to be okay with that. So idk it depends. Usually you can tell if the person starts to seem uncomfortable, like if they stop actually being engaged in conversation or don't keep their word. When they just say "k" or even "I'm busy". Although it would be ideal if people had better communication and could just tell each other instead of reading signals.
@Phthalo Ah, this whole not keeping your promise really gets me sometimes. I notice sometimes the other person doing it... it's like... is this a sign of distrust?
Phthalo, is such a thing something of concern and attention to you, in your opinion?
@HappyAndReady Well if someone doesn't keep their word too many times then I just give up on them, it's clear that they don't want to have really anything to do with me. Why waste the time and energy if they won't put in the same amount? Effort should be fairly mutual I think. But idk it's hard to find anyone who wants more than a short "lol" nothing further than that. I'm no expert though.
@Phthalo As much as I don't want to remember, it's happened twice to me. But I can also recall times when I haven't been perfect either... I always get confused about this, because I'm afraid of loss... or hurt... or rejection...
@HappyAndReady
As Pthalo said, it does depend a lot on individual tolerance. Some common signs for too much or extreme dependency though can be:
When someone has to talk with their partner multiple times/for long periods every day, to the extent that it interferes with either on of their daily lives.
When someone has highly negative emotional reactions when not recieving constant/consistent affection and attention.
Losing too much of their own personality/friends. For example, when one will only and always think of themselves in relation to their partner, and have no other friends or support system, to the point where if they're left alone too long or go through a break up, it's completely devastating.
Being demanding too often in too serious of a manner. Demanding attention sometimes in a light way can be cute, demanding attention too often can be suffocating.
Trying to control activities of their partner, or limit their partner's interactions with their other friends/family etc.
@WildUnknown I appreciate those thoughtful comments :) Thank you!
@WildUnknown I want to make a distinction though, sometimes the reason someone is clingy is BECAUSE they lost all their friends, not the other way around. If someone only has one person to turn to then of course it will be devastating if they leave.
@HappyAndReady
I think that is a very personal question. Some people like more contact or space than others. This is something that usually couples have to work out especially if there are differences in needs. If you want more space and the other person wants more contact then a healthy compromise needs to be made in order the for relationship to be able to grow. BTW I like space too :)
@TirelessExplorer I believe it is rather simple because I have been clingy and realised how detrimental that was to my relationship. I realised I became clingy the moment all my happyness dependent on the presence of my partner. That was not okay. I realised that I needed to live my own life and let him live his, and our relationship is just the icing on the cake :)
