Article: Caught In A Fight With Your Partner? Here's How To Reframe It To Find A Resolution

"The case for empathizing before responding

If you've ever found yourself getting defensive with a partner, this might sound all too familiar: Your partner has a problem with something you did, and before you consider how they're feeling, your first knee-jerk reaction is to defend yourself.

But according to licensed couples' counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST, while we all have a certain capacity and drive to defend ourselves, this kind of reaction can wind up spelling more trouble for your relationship. Instead of jumping to your own defense, "Listen to what they're saying, and make sure that you understand it, from their perspective," adding not to stop "until you can get in their shoes and see it from their worldview."

And the key, of course, is to do this before you start constructing your response, she explains, with a goal to truly understand why they're upset. "That doesn't mean you agree with them, but you can see the situation through their eyes. Then you can proceed to communicate how you see it," she adds.

Why it matters

While this slight adjustment in conflict resolution might seem small, it's actually creating a united front between you and your partner where the priority is teamwork, mutual understanding, and care—as opposed to playing on opposing sides.

As couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT previously told mindbodygreen, "There are very few scenarios in which we truly need to defend our point of view. Rather, we are mostly driven to do so by the desire to be right. In these moments, she explains, we are coming from an ego-driven place, which further acts as a barrier to authentic communication and connection.

“Getting caught up in explaining why one person's perspective is right and the other person is wrong," according to Earnshaw, "is one of the most unhealthy communication dynamics that people can enter into in relationships."

Not to mention, according to psychologist and leading relationship researcher, John Gottman, Ph.D., defensiveness is one of four communication habits (AKA the “four horsemen”) tied to an increased likelihood of divorce."

Read the full article on Mind Body Green

✨Takeaway: When we face conflict in a romantic relationship, our ability to empathize with our partner can be easily compromised. Explaining why one person's perspective is right and the other person is wrong is an unhealthy communication dynamic. Practicing empathy can help prevent conflicts from spiraling into blaming, shaming, or defensiveness, and can instead promote compassion and understanding.

✨Reflection: Have you ever struggled to want to defend yourself immediately after a conflict with your partner?

#Relationships #Conflict #Reframe #Empathy

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