too many previous lovers
My partner and I had been together for 2 years until 3 weeks ago, when we had a big blow up at eachother and decided a break was needed. We've been talking and trying to figure stuff out, but this week we somehow got onto the subject of how many previous lovers we'd each had, and it turns out that my number is more than twice his number... it is just a number, but it is very distressing for him. I don't like that this is bumming him out so much. I feel like I should not be ashamed and this was before I knew him. We both feel depressed, and this has inhibited our progress. Not sure how to proceed.
Hello there.
I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a stressful situation right now. Relationships can be so difficult sometimes.
I think previous lovers are always a touchy subject, even for people that didn't have a lot. Especially for men, it still seems to be hard to accept when their partner had many previous lovers. Usually, this takes some time to digest.
In my opinion, what is important in this situation is to make it clear that this was the past and you don't miss the times you spend with these other guys. Maybe you could also ask him if there is any way to help him to digest it if that makes sense. But basically, that is all you can do about it.
On the other hand, I think you really shouldn't be ashamed of your past in any way. It made you the person you are today. It is on him now to accept it and work on himself.
In these difficult times, it is really important to take good care of yourself. I think it is a good thing to try to do at least a small thing that you really enjoy everyday. Overthinking usually doesn't help much. Maybe you can get some distraction with a nice movie or meet a friend for coffee? Take good care of yourself.
Wish you all the best.
