anger towards ex

@QueenSkittles16

Hey there. I am sorry to hear that you got cheated on. No one deserves to be betrayed like that. It is understandable that you would feel this anger. How do you feel that this anger has affected you overall?

@QueenSkittles16

I can relate.. It's not easy. It's actually really hard to deal with such a powerful intense anger 'buried' inside of us. And the worst part is people don't get it. They can't believe we still hold on to it and can't just let it go. But it's not fair. How can that person just do what they did and go about their day while we suffer everyday? One things for sure... You're not alone. You have all of us here on 7cups! We're here to support you through these feelings. Perhaps you can let out your frustrations in 1 on 1 chats? ❤

@QueenSkittles16 Just want to comment and say I also know how it feels to hold on to anger towards an ex. It's been close to two years since they stopped communicating with me and I still occasionally feel that hurt and anger from their betrayal. I know each person's healing process and emotions can be different but if this brings you any sort of consolation, I too was still very angry even a year after the breakup. The thing I do want to stress though is, don't be hard on yourself and please don't feel like there is a set standard of how long you are allowed to grieve your relationship. For me, letting go of the shame of how I still felt (which was between love, hate, guilt, resentment, loneliness, sadness, anxiety, etc) was very freeing. Instead of trying to deny how I felt, I invited it and allowed myself to feel how I did (as I implemented healthy ways of releasing those emotions). Afterwards, that pain lessened and I didn't feel so out of control. I would encourage you to read 7cups manual on breakups​​​​​​ as a lot of the techniques and coping skills that I used came from the guide.

I hope this helped, good luck and take care!

@QueenSkittles16

I'm sorry to hear about the betrayal.

You say that no one talks to you about your anger and they assume you're fine, when you definitely are not. Do you try to actively engage with family or friends about this topic?

Of course it's natural to feel like that after a betrayal of that magnitude. Many of us have been hurt like that, and as humans, we all have a hard time letting go and healing. Sometimes, it may be because we didn't get closure. Why do you personally think your anger is so hard to manage? Has it always been this way, or is it a direct result of having this experience with your ex?

When I was once overwhelmed with strong emotions, especially anger and resentment, I turned to exercise and various hobbies to ease my mind off it and to generally grow as a person. It's hard to break out of the cycle and looking into the past, but sometimes it could happen without you even noticing. Sometimes, when you start doing something for yourself that is challenging, new, exciting, and (to a healthy extent) tiring, you start to grow and learn and develop and become the next and better version of yourself, and the past becomes more distant - always there, but not directly and constantly hurting. What have you tried so far to deal with your anger?

@QueenSkittles16

I can definitely relate to the pain, and it's a struggle for sure. Deep breath. Just know that you're very strong to have endured this for so long. Please applaud yourself for that, you deserve it.

Secondly, it's understandable to still be hurting after a year. Heck, even after 5 years, everytime I think of my ex, I still feel bitter. Perhaps not the full on rage that was once there, but the scar remains. I dislike it when people say, just forgive and move on, because they don't understand that it isn't that easy to forgive, and what if perhaps I cannot forgive? In the end, I realized that there is nothing wrong with accepting where you're at and just being present and there for yourself. You're hurting, you're suffering, you're in pain. And that's okay. It's okay to still be angry, it's okay to still cry over it.

It will take time to pick up the broken pieces, and you might never go back to who you once were - because you likely won't and you shouldn't want to. From now onwards, it is the new, stronger you, someone who has grown so much from something so heartbreaking and difficult. I know it may feel impossible to get through this, but you will bit by bit. And one day, when you look back, you'll realize how far you've come. It's a process, be easy on yourself. And it's gonna be okay :)

Nevertheless, how does the idea of opening up and relying on your friends sound like to you? It sounds very exhausting to handle all this by yourself, and through experience, I can say that my friends were the extra strength and support that I needed.

@QueenSkittles16

I can definitely relate to the pain, and it's a struggle for sure. Deep breath. Just know that you're very strong to have endured this for so long. Please applaud yourself for that, you deserve it.

Secondly, it's understandable to still be hurting after a year. Heck, even after 5 years, everytime I think of my ex, I still feel bitter. Perhaps not the full on rage that was once there, but the scar remains. I dislike it when people say, just forgive and move on, because they don't understand that it isn't that easy to forgive, and what if perhaps I cannot forgive? In the end, I realized that there is nothing wrong with accepting where you're at and just being present and there for yourself. You're hurting, you're suffering, you're in pain. And that's okay. It's okay to still be angry, it's okay to still cry over it.

It will take time to pick up the broken pieces, and you might never go back to who you once were - because you likely won't and you shouldn't want to. From now onwards, it is the new, stronger you, someone who has grown so much from something so heartbreaking and difficult. I know it may feel impossible to get through this, but you will bit by bit. And one day, when you look back, you'll realize how far you've come. It's a process, be easy on yourself. And it's gonna be okay :)

Nevertheless, how does the idea of opening up and relying on your friends sound like to you? It sounds very exhausting to handle all this by yourself, and through experience, I can say that my friends were the extra strength and support that I needed.