Understanding My Feelings
I feel like i’ve talked about this so much that i’m questioning this post, but I haven’t made progress so here I go.
Dated my ex on and off for 4 years. We got back together 2020 and dated for another year. I found out he cheated when we were previously together. He says it was during our “off” moments but he kept in contact with her even after it supposedly happened. I was extremely hurt because although their friendship caused problems in our relationship, I didn’t think he would physically cheat. Anyways, I couldn’t look at him the same and it affected my relationship. We broke up a little less than a year later. We kept in contact for 4 months after. He decided to end things officially bc he saw me messaging a guy, but keep in mind he was doing the same. I held a lot of anger towards him after and we didn’t speak. I messaged him for his birthday. Everything was cool. I can’t remember exactly who or when the next person sent the next message but we began talking on and off. If I’m being honest I might have been the person messaging him. We hung out a couple times but he acted like we were dating and I simply reciprocated. It felt so right, but I couldn’t help but keep in the back of my head what had happened. I messaged him this month to hang out bc I saw a tik tok but I was secretly hoping he would agree to hang out. He ended up saying no. He wanted to move forward and I still haven’t moved on from
what happened if we got back together, so we would
only repeat a cycle. I understood completely.
A couple days later im trying to understand how i’m feeling. I’m waking up anxious. I’ve cried. It’s only been a couple days but why is it that I was doing fine when we weren’t together and not speaking vs now. Is it bc I know it’s really
over this time? Is there some other underlying issue? I don’t have friends who I can speak to about this so I just hope
someone can help me understand my feelings.
It’s only been a couple of days. Give yourself some more time to process your feelings. It is better to talk to someone you’re comfortable with to vent everything out and eventually, start reflecting on why you still want to be around your ex after everything that happened. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can always talk to a therapist or try Crisis hotline, if you really need it.
When it comes to your ex, it hurts with everything he did. It’s painful. You still have feelings for him and hope that maybe you two will be just together, but you can’t forget what happened. Take time to figure out why your relationship is on a roller coaster and why you keep coming back to it. Overall, you deserve more than that. Deep down, you know that.