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The End of the Non-Existant Relationship
Skeptigirl April 2nd, 2015
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I just broke up with my sort of boyfriend. We have never met.We were planning on meeting this summer. So, he is Turkish, I am Finnish. He lives in Istanbul and has a lot of money, I live in Finland and have practically none. I say this because this is not a case of him courting me to get out of Turkey, he could do that just fine on his own. Anyway. I really liked him, he was very fun and sweet.

The thing is that his mother has been in the hospital and as the Turks apparently spend all of there spare time with the sick relative he has barely contacted me for almost a month. Now he has not said a word for a week and I have tried to be understanding. Then I was scrolling through my feed on facebook, a service which he apparently barely uses, and cannot use properly because he does not understand I can see everything he likes. Four days ago he added another woman as a friend, a pretty woman. This set me off. He says he really cares about me and everything but has no time to send me a hello, but has the time to check facebook and accept or make a friend request.

I just cannot trust someone so far I have never met and who will not communicate with me. This hurts and I am 32 years old I should not be feeling this way. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel terrible in all ways.

He does not know what ever we have has ended because he has probably not been online to read my message. I know what he will say when he reads it. He will say: "If that is what you want." No that is not what I f*cking want. I just want to stop feeling anxious and like an obsessed stalker and not getting any relief for missing him and always wondering if what he says is true. Does he really like me? Does he have someone else? Is he still looking?

I have no right to even feel this way. I am a grown woman, not some teen. I also am NOT in a relationship with him. Still it does not change the fact that I am hurt, anxious, sad, angry and heart broken. broken heart

3
JethroHip April 2nd, 2015
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You said that he has a lot of money right? Maybe you could have asked him to bring you there instead and maybe spend a few days together? I can tell you this because I'm in a long distance relationship right now and at point my relationship started to get really shaky with her ex sort being more loved than me. I took the effort to go and meet her and during that 3 days we really enjoyed ourselves and once I got back, she told me that she doesn't love her ex as much anymore and she loves me more now. Being together with her created that reassurance. With you, I think you are simply being jealous and it's perfectly fine and understandable to be when you are liking someone whom you can't meet everyday. Would it be a good idea to ask him why was he able to get on facebook instead of talking to you? It's not good to start assuming things and I'm sure you know better to do that. It does take time to build a long distance relationship but trust, patience and communication are the key to make it work. So good luck and I hope things will get better between the two of you! :)

Skeptigirl OP April 4th, 2015
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Well, he finally replied. It had been over a week since we spoke. The response was pretty much what I expected. I wish for once someone I liked would try to keep me. sad

I want to dump someone when I realize I am getting attached. Then I dump them at the first feeling of pain. When I do not I end up regretting it. I have abandonment issues so I want to not be abandoned ever again. Still it feels like it happens every time.

xgemhx April 15th, 2015
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Have you ever thought he may feel the same? With a FB friend request, you could request someone say today and they approve it say three weeks later. He may not have been online that day, it may have been a friend request he sent a while ago and they only got round to approving it the day you saw it. That's one option!? Anyway I know how you feel, I too have been tthere. I am of a similar age to you too. It's perfectly normal if you have been let down, and it makes you constantly have your guard up all the time, it's actually quite exhausting! If you really like him and want to try make a go of it, just message or talk to him, tell him how it made you feel and how you do feel. See what he says, at least then you will know. It may be something really simple, or it maybe the case it's another frog till you find your prince, but I'm sure you will find 'the one' as I am sure I will too. I have had more than my fair share of frogs!!! And some right toads too!!! It just means when you do find the one, it's even more special. Hey, if you need to talk at all, send me a message and we can arrange a time to chat if I'm not online. Good luck with it all.

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