Stuck in a Situation
if your bsf falls in love with you but your dating someone else and then they start making moves and you end up
going along with it and breaking up with your partner and doing stuff with the bsf but then they choose someone else to try things with. but they still want to be bsf cause they can’t lose me and i’m all they have and stuff can u go back across the line or too far gone?
1) You were dating someone else. Your best friend completely disrespected your boundaries by ignoring your relationship, made advances on you while you were in a relationship, and justified it by telling themselves “Its OK because I love her!”. That is neither LOVE nor FRIENDSHIP. That is SELFISHNESS. They wanted something for themselves and didn’t care about the negative consequences from their actions, didn’t care about the impact it would have on the friendship.
2) They told you it was LOVE, and then after they had their fun, and got what they wanted from you, after they were finished with their curiosity and their experiment, they decided to ”try things” with the next person. Never mind that this is again DISRESPECTFUL to you. Once again they don’t think about the impact this might have on your friendship. Once again it becomes very clear that they are not in LOVE with you, and they do not respect you enough that this can be considered any kind of friendship because you’re supposed to treat your friends better than that. They are being SELFISH and it seems pretty clear from their actions that that is their true nature.
3) And then just to insist upon every possible kind of selfishness, after disrespecting you in every possible way, they then decide that they absolutely must still have you as a “best friend” because they can’t lose you! The absolute selfish audacity of this person is bewildering. It’s like they just spit in your meal TWICE and then insisted that you should still eat it afterwards! That person has done so much to prove to you through their behaviour that they do not know what love or friendship is and can’t be trusted to support and care about you in any capacity.
It seems obvious to me that if you give them more chances to betray you, that all you can expect from them is more hurt and treachery. You will never be first in their life, because they are selfish through and through, and no matter what delusion they tell themselves about you being their “best friend” they have chosen their own desires at your expense consistently every time.
Of course it is only for you to determine who you keep among your friends, and what you are prepared to forgive. But I still feel obligated to point out all of these things as I see them, because honestly it is somewhat galling to me that people should treat each other the way you have been treated.
I trust you will find your way forward from all of this, with or without them!
CatsInTheCradle
@girlboss14
That is a very complicated and confusing situation. I can imagine you must be feeling hurt and betrayed by your bsf’s actions.😔 It’s not easy to go back to being just friends with someone you’ve had romantic feelings for or done stuff with. It can be awkward and painful, especially if they choose someone else over you. You might also feel guilty or regretful for breaking up with your partner for them.
I cannot give you advice, the decision to stay friends with your bsf or not is always up to you. You have to consider your own feelings, needs, and boundaries. You also have to think about whether your bsf respects you and values your friendship, or if they are just using you for their own benefit.