Struggling with a break up
My ex broke up with me around a month ago now. There were issues within our relationship that stemmed from mistrust. I find it hard to trust because of past relationships and struggle with anxiety. I never had a reason to not trust my ex until I saw a photo on his phone of him kissing another girl in a club. - this was when we were 6months into dating and he had gone on a night out. We werent official at this point. He passed me his phone to pick some pictures to print for the house. He was shocked to see the photo and was very apologetic.
After that I had convinced myself there must be more so I checked his phone while he was asleep. I didnt find anything but would constantly moan because he didnt show me enough affection and would confront him about girls he liked /fancied (pathetic I know).
I would cry constantly and get pains in my chest. And I felt like he didnt care and I was losing him.
One Friday he literally said to me he thinks we should break up because we are both unhappy. I pleaded with him not to do it but I got a bag and went back to my parents. The next day he had packed up everything of mine and told me to collect.
Since then I have called him, messaged him, even gone round to the house with gifts for him begging him not to do it. He has been kind to me saying it wasnt my fault but things change and he doesnt want to be with me anymore. He has been helping with my anxiety and apologised for making me feel so insecure. He has said he doesnt love me anymore but will always care for me and be my friend.
I feel like Ive been stabbed in my heart, I dont sleep and hardly eat now. I would do absolutely anything to get him back, hes the one and Ive pushed him away. Can there ever be a future after this? Do exs ever get back together?!
Sorry to hear what happened to you. I just read your story. That must be of been hard for you and I understand why you have these trust issues. I don't think you done anything wrong by saying to him you have trust issues which should be a sign as respect for the person and not judge. I don't think he judged you but he seemed to lack empathy and understanding. This is important in a relationship. It seemed like it may of been there all along and it's good that it showed in the end. For you and the benefit of the relationship. It may or may not of not made any difference if you tried anything different to change relationship but you shouldn't have to change a relationship unless it's a toxic one and this didn't. I think like any a relationship should involve the key things like honesty, trustworthy, respect, understanding, empathy etc. It seemed there wasn't trust but there wasn't a trust to go by anything for you to trust them or them to trust you. I still think trust is an issue in relationships but both have to work together and build the trust or change the trust and work together. You deserved more understanding and empathy. More support from him reassurance. He needed maybe more for you to show it isn't just trust but the love and respect you have for the relationship for him and maybe showing the best of you and what stands out for you and what's good in the relationship and from him. Both showing your best side. If it don't work out then you deserve better then what you had cuz a relationship should have all these things what people forget and you deserve. Both of you should. I hope works out and exes can get back together but takes work and effort alot and if there still something to work on or change but not always works. There's more information and advice on relationships on the site or I found the site Wikihow is good advice and tips on anything you need to have or know. Hope that helps
@TreaureSeekers3
thank you. I agree I don't think I was being unreasonable I just wanted reassurance and I don't think he was ready to give it to me.
Ive asked if we can work on things but he is still adimant he doesn't want to be in a relationship. This is really hard to take actually.
thanks for your help.
@Lillypad25
Aw, hun, I'm so sorry. Breakups are horrible to go through. I don't know the whole story, there's obviously a lot more to this than what you've said. I don't have all the information from either side, so I can't give a definite opinion on this. Although, there are other pieces of advice and general thoughts I'd like to give.
First, is that the core of this issue is your anxiety. Someone I know offered me some advice about a problem I'm facing, and I think you might benefit from this too - your ex-boyfriend, he's only a part of your life, not all of it. Have you had any professional counselling for your anxiety? I think it might be very useful for you because if you learn to acknowledge, accept and forgive the events that led to your anxiety, and making peace with the anxiety itself, you'll be able to have healthier relationships (with friends, family and romantics) in the future. Most of all, a healthier relationship with yourself.
Second, I'm not sure exactly what your beliefs are when it comes to love. You say he's The One though, so I assume that you believe in soulmates and/or what's meant-to-be (correct me if I'm wrong)? From what you've said, I think some trust issues have developed. I do believe that your ex is at fault with the photos with other girls and such, and for lacking empathy/understanding with your anxiety, but it was wrong of you to constantly berate him. I'm a big believer in second chances and that exes can come back together... but I only believe that when both parties have put in the work to be better individuals which results in a better relationship.
I hope this isn't the wrong advice to give, but I believe you should try counselling if you can. It will help you to come to terms with your breakup and provide you with more help with your anxiety and/or trust issues. There is always a possibility that you and your ex might get back together again in the future, but I believe you should focus on yourself right now. Improve your relationship with yourself and your anxiety. If your ex were to take you back now, the issues wouldn't have been solved because your anxiety would still be present, and he'd likely still be lacking in whatever he is lacking in. In the future though, if there comes a chance for you to be together again, the chances of it working out would be greater when you have a healthier relationship with your anxiety.
Side note though, don't seek help for your anxiety just because of the off chance you might get back together. Seek help for you and you only. Maybe it's better off this way.
Always open for a chat,
Wishing you luck. 
@themoonandthemanx
I can completely agree with everything that you've said here. Thank you so much.
I agree and I have reached out to see a therapist already - just down to the circumstances atm with the lockdown. I am fully aware that my issues are affecting my relationships and I do need to sort them for myself.
I'd love to chat more- not sure how do that on here I'm a newbie!
x
@themoonandthemanx
Hi, just to thank you really. I'm having my first counselling session today. Hopefully it helps me come to terms with things and helps me work through my anxiety.
thank you so much for your kind words when I needed them the most! X
@Lillypad25 hey lovely!! i'm sorry for taking quite a while to respond - i haven't been very active on here (i'm still yet to figure out how to start 1-on-1 conversations in the chats hahah).
i'm so glad my words were able to comfort you and offer some help!! it's good to know you're doing counselling and working on healing.
proud of you, and always cheering for you!
