Painful to say, Afraid to let go
After 30 years coming to the realization that my marriage is failing or has failed. My heart hurts. The first 15 years were a fairytale dream come true but the last 15 have been trying with two known instances of infidelity and one instance of what I could only prove was an inappropriate friendship. My heart hurts. My husband is also my best friend and I am just not sure how to lose both. He has been my world / focus for most of my life. Ending our marriage would mean that I will be alone. To outsiders ours is a picture perfect marriage that has resulted in many people envying our relationship. Unfortunately when some relatives found out about the affair, they mocked me/my marriage. I don't have the greatest support system so just trying to figure out how I will get through / survive divorce. I don't want it to end and he says he doesn't want it to end. Just feels like there is too much to overcome. The pain is almost unbearable. It's so painful to stay, but I am afraid to let go.
Thanks for allowing me to vent.
@affectionateChestnut7351. I'm sorry for the pain you're going thru. You have gone for counselling? I'm older too and have thought of leaving sometimes. It's kind of a love hate thing. I basically chickened out because of being alone but also because of finances. If you do leave be sure you have everything set up to keep you going. If neither of you really want it to end try creative solutions. I know of a couple who bought adjoining condos for example. Best luck.