Overwhelmed Confusion

I am super confused. My brain battles with it self. I love my ex and I want him to go and discover him self because he has never healed from his past and I haven't healed from what he did to me. But when he is not with me I wonder about him, I wonder if he wants me, if he really wants to fix his life. He said he'll do anything to fix our relationship, he's willing to go to therapy. And a part of me is happy for us but I know he is very lost in his life. We've were together for 7 years.

I told him we can fix things if he leaves his job (he cheated on me with someone from his job (he left me for her (months)) and I also know his job made him super miserable) he recently lost his job and he got into some serious family issues too. He called me and of course I answered and he said "I got into a really bad argument with a family member and I'm leaving, I need you to come with me, I need your support, I need you to marry me" I was shocked. I told him that I can't do that because I have goals for my life that I need to do on my own, and he said "who said you can do it alone? I can do that for you! If you want to go to school I can help you! If you want a family I can do that! If you want me to go to therapy I can do that! But you can't do it alone!". I some what believe him but there's no trust, I can't trust him, and I know his manipulation tactics but I also feel like he doesn't want to lose me. I know him really well but it's hard to know when he is telling the truth or not. I tell myself why do I feel like I'm losing an opportunity with him when I haven't done anything? Like I said I wonder about him when I'm not with him, and I wonder about my future with him, sometimes I want to risk everything for him because he was my first everything. I think if I was to make my life with someone else I'm always going to wonder what my life could've been with him and I can't picture my life without him. I don't want to wonder about anyone else and what it could be with that anyone. But I don't know if I'm just hurting us by answering his phone calls or if I still want to fix things with him. I blocked him because I don't know what to do but his calls still show in my call logs and he has called me 15 times. I told him "you can't call me when things happen to you all the time because I can't do it anymore, it's not the same as it was and never will be, and I don't know that's probably for the better! I can't fix your relationships between you and your family or friends anymore because it's not my job"

I don't get it because also when I'm with him I don't care that he kissed someone else (and more) but I know the pain is still there and i cant ignore MY pain My feelings. He was going to marry her but he said he realized that he couldn't because he didn't love her, he said all he could think about is me and still does.

I'm apologize for all this rambling but I don't know what to do