My Neuroticism Ruined Potential Relationship
I started out talking to a guy I was extremely excited about because he was everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend but I ruined things with him because I showed that I wanted him too much, talked too much, showed my mental illnesses too early and he left because I lashed out at him. I apologized multiple times but he got cold and I don't know if he'll ever come back or forgive me for hurting him by oversharing and being so messy.
I'm really sad because I miss him a lot and it really hurts meeting someone who is exactly how I always dreamed about and then shooting myself in the foot. I hope someday I can find a relationship and be happy or he'll come back but I'm just so severely depressed all the time and afraid all my life's got out for me is emotional work and pain, endless pain... I want to pursue a career in being a marriage and family therapist but really, I just wanna have a healthy relationship someday and want to study how to do that. I always feel so deeply lonely and I haven't dated in years because my anxiety keeps ruining a lot for me and I have a hard time keeping any guy I like around.
I wish I was better. I wish I was lovable.
@PoisonCupcakes
Hi--that sounds so lonely and I'm sorry things are so painful right now. 😟 You found a guy that felt perfect and you started sharing yourself with him and being honest about how you felt, but that led to conflict and he ended up leaving. You worry that maybe it might not be possible to have a relationship, to find someone who loves you, or to be able to receive what you're looking for. 💜
This is a bit of a tangent, but I've seen so many of your posts around this forum over the past month or so and you seem like a really compassionate, empathetic, open-minded, insightful person. I feel like you matter and have a lot to offer, and I'm really happy imagining you becoming a therapist.
@QuietMagic That's so sweet of you to say aww and I hope so. I ended up making up with him and hopefully things work out but yeah that's important to remember, even when things feel hopeless there's a lot of potential and possibilities in the future.
I don't know you well but you seem like an awesome person too and I'm sending you love
@PoisonCupcakes
Glad you were able to make up with him! 😊 And thank you. 💜