Midlife crisis starter pack?
2 years ago, in March, I left a 20 year relationship with a man. I'm now 45, have a 17 year old who is developmentally disabled, have had to move 2 times (apartment flood), changed jobs, may have to change jobs again, and the list goes on. I started dating a man last March and we seemed to be getting on well. I had a family crisis in Janusary, he had a family crisis in February, and we (Ithought) were supporting each other through these very hard months. We both deal with depression and anxiety. In early April, he suddenly told me he didn't feel like he thought he should after being together for a year, and won't talk to me at all any more.
I'm confused, and sad, and I feel really just abandoned when things have been this hard. Maybe it's better that he just left rather than stay with someone who he doesn't love. I just feel so disappointed. How could I not see this coming?
@aquaNorth8870
First off, I want to say that you are a very strong woman, loving, caring, and a gift from God. You have a honest and true blessing from God so I just want to get that out of the way. You have endured a 20 year relationship and you take care of a disabled child. Do you know that we do not have that many in this world like you? That is amazing and I give you a huge round of applause for that because I can relate. When I was 13 years old, I babysat my deaf sister who was born that way and my mom was never home. I took care of my sister like she was mine and I do not regret any of it because that journey taught me something.
I do not mean to digress, but when you met a new person, you were caught off guard with someone who you shared the same family crisis with you. Women, we need that intimacy and that deep connection with someone that relates to us from childhood to our adult years. And that is understandable. And here's the problem that happens with couples: when you date someone with the same personality, life situations, and mindset as you, it can bring you together but it will grow eventually into you two hating, despising, or tearing you two apart. And this new man walked out because he may realized both of you are not in the clear mind to be together. Remember: both of you got together when you had a crisis one month, and he had one afterwards. That is enough to drive any person to the point of no return.
You should spend this time getting YOU back together and finding happiness within yourself before together. Those 20 years may have deterred you away from what happiness and love means within your heart and as a strong woman.
And this is not your fault and you saw it coming because the minute that the crisis popped up, it was a test to prove if you two can take it or not. Plus, when you first met someone, the first few months are the honeymoon phase: butterflies, romance, flaws unseen, and intimacy. You did not give yourself enough time to heal from the 20 year relationship that you endured that probably should have ended a long time ago. Spend your happiness for you and your son, but most important, for you. No one does not know you like you know you. You need that strength back in your heart, mind, and soul.
And rememeber as well: life happens and it happens for a reason.
I hope this advice helps you!
Feel free to reach out to me on this website if you need any more advice!
OriginalBeauty9103