It hurts. It's a living nightmare.

@HappyKerfufflez

Hi. That's a very painful thing to go through. It hurts when we want people to choose us but they don't. But keep in mind that as adults we don't need to be chosen, we DO the choosing. Isn't that amazing? You have the power to choose other people too, it's not only them choosing us. You probably don't notice it, but we do it on a daily basis. The thing is we're too busy worrying about who chose us, that we don't stop to think : what do I want and think of all this?

You're in no contact cause you want to protect yourself and guard your heart which you have absolutely every right to. You're not doing this to hurt him. He, however, chose his path, so why is he popping back into your life? He obviously sees a lot of value and beauty in being your friend but that's not what YOU want. Are you supposed to give your heart and not have anything in return when you DO more? That's not fair to you. Unrequited love HURTS. But you can heal. So do whatever it takes to heal, don't be scared to be selfish about that. I don't know if there's anything I could say to you other than to stick it out. The pain will end one day but you need to help yourself in the process. Time alone won't do it. Pour that love that you're craving so much from someone else into yourself. Tell yourself the things you want to hear. Hug yourself. Do the things that make you happy. The changes you started - continue and see yourself as worthy to see the changes come through for your own sake.

@intuitiveWriter1887 I get what you're saying and I have been doing the process of moving on and spending plenty of time in introspection. I get plenty of love from my kids and that's all I want right now. Right now, I'm living with my ex due to the coronavirus and having nowhere else to go and I am reconsidering things with him. What I really want, is to just be single but that isn't fair to my kids. Being alone is the only way I can heal unlike most people who need to surround themselves with other people. I don't want to be around other people until I get my mind right and I haven't been able to.

You're right I need to love myself, I'm working on that and everytime he pops in, it's like I have to start over because all I feel is angry and embarrassed. I dont want to fight with him. Honestly, I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to be his friend. I'm done. So done. I wish he would leave me alone and he wont. I've changed my number and got a new phone 4 times and he still finds a way to contact me.

I appreciate him trying to stay in my life because he "cares". Thanks but no thanks. I respectfully decline. I think it's selfish of him to try when it hurts to even look at him or his friends. I hate that I can feel him even when he's not there and I need him to let go. It's easier to let go when he lets go. I'm happier when he's not there. I want to heal. I'm done with the negative vibes, I just want to move on.

@HappyKerfufflez

It is very selfish of him to keep pursuing you this way. And honestly, in my opinion, if he did really care about you, as much as he says he does, then he wouldn't keep contacting you when he knows that it hurts you. He's really not respecting your need for your space or distance to heal - he's acting from a position that only serves him and his need.

Don't pick up when he calls. Don't open the door when he shows up. Don't say hi when you run into him. And maybe even tell him that you'll get a restraining order if he keeps doing this. I know this probably hurts you to say it or even think about it but I don't understand his persistence and I find it weird that he's doing all this to stay in your life. He knows what you want and he's not willing to offer it, so what's this all about?

I'm not sure if it's a typo that you said your kids need you to not be single. I think kids need their parents to be happy regardless of being in a relationship or not. Even if they don't understand it now.

@intuitiveWriter1887 no, it seems he has no respect for me at all.

I want to be single and was really getting used to it. I ended up losing my job then, place to live. I asked my ex if he would take the kids since he's in a stable home and has a job. I was going to live in my car. He asked me to stay. Him and I have always been civil with eachother. Even when we broke up there was no screaming matches or arguments. We discussed it and it was a mutual agreement. We're friends first and it's kind of always been that way. There are no real problems between us, he doesn't turn me on and we don't have much in common. Other than that, life with him is a breeze. When we moved back in my kids seemed happier. There were more good days than bad ones. On my end, I care about him, but more content without him. I'd rather see my kids g

I'd rather see my kids happy. Than stay single.

It makes me happy seeing them happy.

I will give up what I want in life for them to be happy and in a more stable environment.

Plus my ex does love me, I don't want to hurt him again. I'm tired of hurting people to get what I want. It hurts me more.

@HappyKerfufflez

Your initial post spoke about a person who chose someone else over you and is now not leaving you alone cause you don't want to be friends. Is he the same ex that you're staying with and is the father of your children?

So you're thinking about getting back with your ex because it will make your kids happy? That's a very noble thing to do but you're sacrificing yourself in the process. It's obvious that you care about your kids' happiness but yours counts too. I'm not sure you realize how miserable you could become. It could drive you into severe depression and that will negatively affect the ways you attend to your children. They will grow up and spread their wings and find yourself in a life that you don't want. Add to that, that them seeing you unhappy could affect them. They might blame themselves for your unhappiness and that will crush their self-worth.

You're going through a difficult time with losing your job and house. But I hope you don't let that get you into a state of despair that you accept a life that doesn't fit you. It's very kind of your ex to have you over, but I don't think that that means you owe him a relationship. He might be hurting but what about you? Frankly, his hurt is his problem. Your hurt is your own. You can't fix him. Have the reasons that caused the break-up been resolved? What guarantees that it'll work this time and the kids don't have to go through the split again? Qsns worth pondering over.

The man I was speaking about initially was my failed attempt at online dating. It was him who made me realize I need to learn how to love myself, so I was better off single and on my own until I did. I never expected him to wait on me to figure it out and let him go. He never let go. He stalked me. This whole wanting to still be friends thing didn't work out because he got jealous about other men I wound up talking to. He was talking to a bunch of other women, chose one, and it wasnt me... so? 🤷‍♀️...He started playing mind games with me. It was like he had to give me this feeling of loss and constantly make me feel jealous which made me mad and disgusted with him. In hindsight I realized he was showing me how much I was hurting him and it became this "who can be more fucked up to eachother war." It still didn't make any sense, he was with someone else. He is a player. I do not want him. I tried to back out. I called the police. I made a report. He still continued. He hacked into my phone, saw I was talking to other men and got mad at me. I was the one who was played. I was hurt and confused. Pissed off that he invaded my privacy. I have no time for this shit and better things to do. Then I pretty much stopped dating and talking to men completely, which included him. He wouldn't have it.

@intuitiveWriter1887 I'm reconsidering things with my ex because it seems there is nothing else out there for me. Also, It's really hard living with one income and 2 kids. It's hard handing 2 kids with no backup. They're also girls and need a father figure in their life.

He's a good guy, he needed to grow up a little. I made a list of everything I like about him and why we are a good fit. It's a pretty long list. I don't need him to make me happy. I can do that on my own. He brings me peace of mind and I feel safe to be around him if that makes sense.

When I broke up with him, I gave him 3 weeks to find another place to live because our lease was up. I bailed to another state with the kids and moved in with my grandparents. I left him homeless. He was jobless. It was the fire under his ass he needed to grow up. The last 6 years did a number on us both and I think it helped us realize a lot about ourselves and eachother. The craziest thing about it is, we hold no resentment toward eachother for it and we have a better understanding of eachother after what individually went through.

I can see myself growing old with him and still be content with my life. Yes kids grow up and live a life on their own. When you raise them in a loving home, they come back to visit. They will have kids of their own, and we can carry that on to the next generation.

@HappyKerfufflez

Goodness, the online guy is something. He has absolutely no right to invade you like that. How can he not respect a restriction? I hope you're safe now. As if his selfishness is not enough, he's also immature.

Re: getting back with your ex. You have a mind of your own and can make all the decisions you find fit for you and your two girls. I guess there's no rush to get back with him. Don't feel guilty for treating him the way you once did. Sometimes, as is obvious with your ex, letting people hit rock-bottom and take responsibility for their own lives serves them more than us protecting them and pacifying them, thus enabling their bad behaviors further.

Wishing you and your two daughters the best and a blessed life. ❤️

@intuitiveWriter1887 thank you.