It hurts. It's a living nightmare.

It probably will for a long time.

He got me looking forward to an amazing future and everything I wanted.

Come to find out, I was just one of many options. It hurt when I found that out. He had me believing I was the only one he wanted and I fell hard. I started making an effort to be a better me. It felt good to feel wanted. It was something I had never experienced before. It felt good to be chased because I was always the one chasing. I loved how new it all was to me. It's like everything I ever dreamed about was finally coming true. It gave me better confidence in myself. I started working out harder, working hard at quitting smoking, looking into schooling. I got played and then got really angry about it.

He chose someone else. I got jealous. So I pushed him away.

He wanted to stay friends. I didnt. I still don't. I guess because I'm still hurt. His family and friends don't like me. Blame me for hurting him, I reacted badly toward the constant rejection I felt from him. For me it was the biggest reason for me to go no contact. He didn't want to. I fought with him about it. I started dating other men and he didnt like it. He stood in my way a few times. Said he was "helping me" and I didn't want it because it's none of his business anyway. I started to be mean to him just so he would give up and let me go. He still won't. He wants to be friends. I don't. I forgive him, but want him to let me go. I'm so hurt.

Now every time he's nice to me, I get angry. I dont understand why.