Ex wants me back
I’m still married (31 years) but walked out 4 years ago with the kids after he has been consistently cheating, into illegal stuff, using steroids, he lost everything we had and his mental health was not improving so there was violence etc. He went to remand a few times, hospital a few times. He got removed from the community he lived in, and placed on a no contact order three times. Kids and I fought hard to get a normal safe life and we have. He’s allowed to be around now, wants to see the kids and really wants us back as a family. He keeps offering help and money and is focused on his goal of never hurting us again. Kids don’t want him back. He just keeps persisting and some people say no way, but some people say it’s good of him to be helping and trying.
So sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a very difficult situation. I think it's good that he is making an effort and if he really has recovered, it may be beneficial for him to be able to see his kids (if they are open to it later). Maybe he is just trying to make amends? However this doesn't necessarily mean he has changed and I would proceed with caution if you do choose to reconnect with him, especially when your kids are involved. Having him in your life doesn't necessarily mean you have to be together again as a couple but I think it would be important to establish that with him from the beginning if that is what you want so he isn't trying to work towards something that will never happen.
The truth is I just can’t decide. The kids say ‘mum we miss the good bits but you know with him if you want the good then you have to let the bad in too....and he doesn’t even know what it is that he does personality-wise....so even if he stops cheating, lying, steroids (and anger) his other personality stuff will be too hard to manage’. But that doesn’t mean he’s going away, he IS still in our lives just by being alive and living nearby so if I say no then he’ll most likely be angry and his support will turn to making life hard all over again. I haven’t got the strength for that as it’s hard being a single parent, working full time and getting on my feet again. So I can’t decide.
I think just take it slow and be cautious if you do decide to let him in. No need to rush things - you'll know if and when you are ready.
Yeah I just need time, maybe the decision will come if I just have the time and space for it without pressure.
Ive seen this situation before when an ex wants something and comes back just because he wants something. If youre having doubts its because he hasnt proven he deserves your trust. Dont lose what youve fought so hard for because it can be gone so much quicker than it takes to rebuild.
