Breakup with a Friend?
I hope this is an okay topic for this forum. I was hoping to get some advice on breaking off a friendship (not a romance.)
We've been "friends" for probably 10 to 15 years now, but when we first met we were pursuing similar career paths and so had some things in common through that. Now, neither of us is in that same field, and I don't feel like we have anything else in common at all. I don't enjoy hanging out with him or talking to him, he actually strikes me as kind of an idiot. I'd been trying to just let the friendship fade out, but probably for the same reasons I find him obnoxious, he doesn't have a lot of other friends; so he keeps texting me, Facebook and such, trying to arrange to hang out. I often just try to pretend I'm too busy or that I didn't see his message, but now we've ended up with a mutual friend who has been inviting us to the same social gatherings and thus causing him to think he should see me more often. I cannot see any possible way to end this without hurting him, but I really don't want to deal with him anymore. Everything he says just annoys me because of how stupid he is, even when he comments on my posts on Facebook it just irritates me. There is no fun for me in the friendship with him.
Also, many years ago he admitted he was romantically attracted to me, and the feeling was utterly not mutual, but he got me to forgive him and keep hanging out with him; so I know that "serious conversations" with this guy don't go well already. Should I just block him on Facebook-phone-email and hope that I'll never run into him again and that he'll get the point? Should I try talking to him and then block him on everything? Should I start calling him out on being an idiot and hope he'll go away (I've definitely not been super nice to him for several years now)? Or is there some better solution?
@GoonaGoona
15 years is a long time. People grow with time and experience and life led you both down different paths. You find nothing in common with him. Life is difficult as it is to find a happy balance with so many factors vying for our attention. We have a finite amount of time/energy to spend towards work, family, friends and relationships and we certainly ought not feel guilt in choosing how we spend this precious time/energy.
Since you have already come to the decision to end this friendship, perhaps to respect the 15 years of friendship, you might have a quick word with him to explain how you feel. This must be in a public space so that if things get heated or awkward you are able to simply walk out. It gives you a chance to tell him that you've grown apart and don't feel connected to him as a friend any more. Any sort of blame or fault finding is unnecessary as you're both adults and understand that any friendship needs to be mutual connection at some level (emotional/mental/spiritual/etc).
Allow him a minute or two to express how he feels but do not allow his words to change your mind. Also, don't apologize since you haven't done anything wrong. You're simply letting him know how you feel. After that it would be alright to remove him from all social spaces and gatherings with other friends. Even if he is present at some gathering, you're then not obliged to acknowledge or include him. You wouldn't fear running into him.
You can move on peacefully and hopefully, so can he, since you have not assigned any fault or blame to him but simply stated growing apart and the lack of any meaningful connection as your reason.
Hope this helps :)
