A breakup ( that sounds useless)

I am sad because I will be breaking up with my boyfriend. This seems common nowadays to have breakups but for me its my first time and its hard so. We know each other for a long time and we've been through tough times the most.

I just kinda distract myself so that my decision to break up will be final. It's very necessary for me to do this because our relationship is toxic. Anyways, it's a very long story as usual and I cannot share them all. All I know is that I am sad and I don't know why. I can be dense to my feelings and I can't evaluate what I am experiencing. It's just sadness that succumbs me, but I am doing my best to be strong so that I can move on.

Does time teaching me a lesson because before I don't take seriously those girls and women who felt broken in a breakup.