Abandoned

@NorCal

Hey there, I would like to first say thank you for sharing your story 2 years ago and for giving us an update. There's a few things I would like to point out from your past and new post.

Last week she went back up north so kids can visit with their friends and she could get the rest of her stuff that we could not get on a previous trip. Well first few days were OK we kept in constant contact but after 5 days she stopped calling completely and would not answer her phone. (Theres one important thing to always remember, connecting and bonding tends to take a lot of energy so at times yours and her interest level will go up and down. I feel space should be implemented at times to keep the relationship safe and refreshed. I believe she pulled away unconciously because things were going too good and she needed some space to herself. There will be times a woman will pull away for no reason even if things would be great, so if you start blowing up her phone with calls and messages then she will keep pulling away further from you because it communicates to her you are not being confident, it would have been better to wait until she gets back to you Through her son, the boy I loved as my own he told me she ran into a X and was with him now she said "he quit drining and goes to church!"

My life ended. She will not even talk to me. (I can tell you felt a lot of hurt and pain knowing the woman you loved wouldn't talk to you, it would have make feel anxious as well) I am abandoned. (I feel it definetly caused you to feel even more emotions combined at once, which is understandable. I do think your past abandonment issues and hurt were triggered here, so you were suffering from what happened in your past childhood plus what happened at this point) I hurt, I am betrayed, I love her with all my heart and would take her back in a moment but I know I am screwed. What do I do? (I think becoming more aware of what goes inside of you and thinking back of your past childhood hurt its fundemental because 80% of the hurt you feel has to do with your past childhood experience than what she did) I have options but none of them are good. I think of hurting myself as the only option to end the pain, people say there are others but not like this beautiful woman. (She meant the world to you, and you formed a connection with her so its normal you only wanted to be with her) She is my everything. Even typing this I start to weep.

I did nothing wrong, I was the perfect husband-to-be. I worked, paid the mortgage and utility bills, we had food flowing out of the cupboards and refrigerator. Never wanting for anything - hell I had a bit over $50K of available cash in my old business bank account. (I could tell you were the ideal husband/partner, you definetly tried your hardest. You sound like a loving and caring man, so i don't think it was your personality. I believe the problem is that you have a very tough time soothing your anxiety when she starts backing away and putting distance between you two. You begin to behave unatural and anxious such as keep calling and messaging her, this will make her feel turn off and then she backs away. I do feel she should have say "Hey i need some space", so it would have been easier for you. I also believe she didn't make things easier for you, and didn't communicate her feelings on order for your anxiety to reduce)

We would go out on the weekends for motorcycle rides - just me and her. In our room we sat together constantly and talked/loved. (This is amazing, however one important thing to remember is that this level of affection and love will go up and down. You probably tend to observe for every sign of her possibly leaving you, so this causes your anxiety to rise and then possibly you do/say things to pull her closer which makes her pull further away)

I was very very affectionate, in a number of ways as was she. (You have to be careful with this as well. We all received a certain amount of love growing up, so thats how love is for us. For example; If you receieve tons of love then thats what you are comfortable with, however if you receive a small amount of love then thats what you are used to. Theres a chance she received a small amount of love growing up, so giving her so much affection and love might make her feel uncomfortable because of a closeness issue she has, which then will make her pull away). I'm not saying you did something wrong, you were great, but she received a different amount of love growing up so it will cause her to be close then distant) But now it is gone. For no reason. I did not even get a breakup call/text.(Thats very rude of her, it must had caused you to feel immense anxiety and pain.)

Food, sleep, staying out from behind locked door? Those are things I have not been doing for several days now and is effecting me physically. (I could tell you felt this hole in your chest where it had this immense anxiety and then combined with intrusive thoughts which affected your everyday life) Again, I do not care. I would rather have it over than not be with my love.

Am I so bad that I do not even get a phone call or text? (No you are not a bad person, i think you are a caring and loving man, its just she didn't handle things like an adult) Why must I be treated like this by the woman I adore, and how can she treat me like this?

She did it again.

she came back after 3 months and things were differet, (I believe she felt smothered, so she decided to back away. I do think she didn't handle things like an adult though)not as loving but life went on. (This is normal since you two didn't talk for awhile) I waited to get married to make sure it was to oast and we finally did get mariied, wy it was just 10 wees ago! Congrats? No. She left me again, same style, ghosting me. (This woman seems selfish and self-absorbed, she comes in and out of your life without thinking how it affects you. I think she has the avoidant/dismissive style which means she can only handle a small amount of closeness, and then would withdraw if she feels uncomfortable when things get too close. I wouldn't be surprised if you kept chasing and cashing, which made her feel smothered and trapped)

She took my name off her facebook page. (Ouch...i would have felt so much hurt and anxiety if someone i love did this to me, i could only imagine the amount of hurt and pain you felt) Removed the posting that said I love uou what happened, contact me. (This is what I was talking about earlier. If a person backs away or puts distance between you two then its going to trigger immense anxiety and abandonment issues. This will make you use protest behaviors which involve; begging, pleading, blowing up someone phone, contacting them to ask whats wrong countless of times. Your wife will then use deactivating strategies as in; backing away, using your over-text as a way to feel empower to back away, thinking of negative aspects and so on. The more you try to close the distance, the more she backs away from you and then she disappears. It's so important to learn to soothe your anxiety in these moments because its going to make you say/do anything you can to pull her closer)

She did it to me agai, I am heartbroken once agin, we were married 10 weeks. (It's normal you feel this way, things were going good and then boom she acts distant. She can't handle closeness well, specially the love you give her because love for her never felt safe growing up)