My favourite quote from Funny Story
" I don't want you to look at me like I'm broken"
Many of us do this, we avoid telling people the worst parts of us, the anxiety we face over little things, how over sensitive we are, how we care way too much and cry way too much, our insecurities, how we are barely surviving because we don't want them to look at us and know how broken we are, because if they know they might not want to be with us.
I think this is what I'm doing too. I used to tell about my anxieties to my male friend but now I'm trying not to because I want him to be with me more and more, I don't want him to distance himself, I don't want him to think I'm some immature person he has to kinda babysit. I'm trying to be more courageous, I'm trying to make myself better and trying hard to become a high value women even though I'm barely surviving just so he would maybe want to be my friend forever, so that he would not be fed up of me, so that he would think of me as those girls who are confident and independent, so that he would think of me as a fun person, so that he would smile because of me, so that he would think of coming to me whenever he wants to feel happy, so that he would want to call me every other day, so that he would maybe love me and so that I don't feel like I don't deserve him because he is a better person than me and I'm too sensitive for this world.
Many of us that do this, have probably had someone look at us and conclude that we are too much for them. So to protect ourselves, we make sure no one has the opportunity to hurt us in that way again. This is your mind and body trying to care for you and protect you in one of the only ways it knows how. Don’t blame yourself for your body’s methods of protection, healing can take a while.
If he only wants to be with you when you’re contained, he’s not someone you want to have your back. It hurts to have to choose yourself when no one else is, but it will turn out better when the people around you want you to be the best version of you, not the one they like best.
Being braver, and more independent can be good, but you do not have to change yourself for someone. The people who are “too sensitive”, or softer (personality wise), or deep thinkers; are the ones who care the most, and that’s not a weakness. Having the ability to care so deeply and bounce back when people hurt you, and having a big heart with space enough for everyone is such a strength and anyone who has told you differently doesn’t deserve to have you on their side. @bestTalker9406