Friendship and Mental Health Member Discussion Notes

❋This forum post is based on the member discussion that was held on July 28th, 2015 at 5PM EDT hosted by @ItsLee in the Guided Discussion Room on the topic: Friendship and Mental Health for Friendship Week. Notes by @Briana98❋

Discussion Questions:

❶ Can you give examples of a healthy and unhealthy friendship?

-A healthy relationship features compassion, care, support, and is double-sided. An unhealthy relationship, however, features a lack of respect, care, and results in you feeling more lonely than you would without the relationship.

🌟Healthy: Someone who supports you but doesn't pressure you.

🌟Unhealthy: one friend constantly doing for the other while barely getting anything in return.

🌟Healthy friendship would be always having time for each other, trusting one another by confiding on confidence, always being loyal and have fun with one another. Not healthy friendship would be disrespecting one another, not making effort to see one another, breaking confidentiality and not being loyal.

❷ Can the mental health of one friend affect the mental health of another?

-Emotions are contagious, for better or for worse!

🌟Yes I think it can because when you are with a friend so close to all the time and they go on about themselves in a negative light ie if they were having a bad day it can effect how you see yourself too.

🌟When one friend is feeling very good emotionally it transfers to the other. And the same when they are in a bad mood. The trick is to stay strong for your friend when they're not doing too well and being their support. But make sure not to be taken advantage of!

🌟It is really easy to feed off each others feelings and emotions as you're both in very fragile thinkers.

❸ How might disclosing your mental health affect a friendship?

-It can depend on the person and whether or not they experience mental illnesses, but there seem to be more pros than cons to disclosing!

🌟They might not understand. I think you have to be careful.

🌟Sharing mental illness can also however help them understand you and become a better more supportive friend. ...And if they are not supportive then they probably weren't a very good friend to begin with.

🌟Its also possible that they have issues of their own that they are not comfortable with and you opening that door is difficult for them because they dont want to face what they themselves are dealing with.

🌟Other people with mental illness get it and dont treat you as an.. outsider whereas other people do. Some people ask a lot of questions and then walk away.. like.. its a hard one.

❹ Can a friendship have a negative effect on your mental health?

-Yes and no, once again depending on the people involved. Sometimes they help you forget about your mental illness, but sometimes friendships create unwanted extra pressure.

🌟Yes. Sometimes one can feel pressured within friendships for varied reasons.

🌟My anxiety and depression have made me avoid all friends, because I don't want to be a drag. I want to be the fun and smart friend, not the one everyone always needs to take care of. I don't want to bring only negativity in.

🌟It really depends on the friends and their level of understanding of mental health issues.

🌟I dunno. I don't thinks so? Maybe sometimes you want to forget about your problems.

🌟Well, sometimes it can be a great way to connect with another person if both are suffering from mental health problems.

❺ How can a friend make it easier for you to open up?

-No one wants to be judged, especially when telling a trusted friend about something as delicate as mental health. If you dont understand something while being told about a friend's mental health, you should ask, lest you harbor misconceptions in your mind about whats going on and hurt more than help.

🌟Be willing to listen and ask open-minded questions

🌟By also opening up themselves

🌟Just being interested in helping you and not faking it just to be a good friend

🌟By being the friend they were before the mental problems, by being there and understanding

🌟To .. be willing to learn more. Not just assume they already know because someone else they know has the same problems...Its not the same for everybody.

❻ How do you feel when a friend discloses something about their mental health to you?

-Talking about mental health requires that the person trusts you in a lot of cases, so one would normally feel pretty good about being told!

🌟I would feel trusted

🌟I feel honored that a friend tells me about their mental health, its not something easy

🌟It makes me glad that they feel they can open up to me, but also frustrated that somebody is suffering

❼ Complete the sentence in a way that works for you: When I am struggling with my mental health, I need my friends to ______.

-People with mental illnesses arent that different from normal people - we dont want you to treat us any differently than you would if you didnt know about our mental illnesses!

🌟Not make it all about them and twist things around.

🌟Sometimes I don't want to smile and it may be 'out of character', but I appreciate the space of being able to do that without it being awkward.

🌟I need my friends to ask me what I need, instead of give what they think I need.

🌟If I ask them to back off, to please back off. It's nothing against them, I just need time for me.

❽ Do you have a story to share about either you helping a friend, or a friend helping you with mental illness?

-Our members have and are great friends! Support with mental illnesses makes all the difference (:

🌟My best friend will just sit in silence with me when I'm feeling low and she knows I don't want to talk, or do anything. Sometimes, she'll offer to watch bad TV with me, but she knows I can't talk about it, but she also knows I really want her to be there.

🌟I visited a friend at the mental hospital once, I was the only one "daring" to come and visit her there. She appreciated a lot.

🌟When my friend rang me and said she is feeling like she is going down hill at 4am.. I made a blanket fort in my room, got some disney movies, drove to her house, took her to the 24 hour McDonalds, we went to mine, watched films, and stayed up all night just being hidden away from everyone

🌟Well I had been clean from self-harming for a week and my friend took me to dinner to get my mind off things. It was pretty pricey. So it was a sweet gesture.

🌟I had to tell my Japanese university [for a year abroad] about my physical and mental health issues, and they were not very discreet so then everyone knew. I was horrified, very embarrassed. Had to tolerate people's comments and looks. It was very isolating. However, over time, when they started to notice the signs, they actually started asking questions instead of telling me things, and started to display support and care for me. I think myself and they were a bit awkward about it all at the start, but then we grew together, learning about each other's perspectives and all sorts. it was nice.

🌟I have literally gone to my friends' in my pyjamas (I have really classic-looking pyjamas, so it was obvious) and such and just sat on their floor, on my laptop watching TV as they worked, speaking a little but not with much enthusiasm and I appreciated every moment because my friend didn't bat an eyelid about it. Haha, she just carried on as normal (although asked me before if I was okay and I said I wasn't, yet she seemed to sense I didn't want to talk about it)

A huge thank you to @ItsLee for hosting and to everyone that joined in!

Participant list: @kendrabug @strawberryWings44 @adorablePeace96 @Marbleyed @IndecisiveTangerine @orangeApple217 @MissZ @scarletField45 @carefulSky7493 @NightShad0w @AliceCheschire @QuickJazz @uglyPandaMan @Nicole124 @bravelittleemily @skoala27 @fluffyUnicorns84 @humorousKiwi1211 @awildBidoof @Ithica

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