Silence thunders
But she was stuck there
In those silenced thunders
In strong gusty winds
In her ephemeral existence
With her broken crushed wings
But she was not herself
She died many deaths,
The time she smothered her voice
Time that greeted silenced thunder
the time she snubbed her choice
The time she knew she lacked every wonder
But she was never enough
For she ceased to try
And was guilty of her survival
For she quelled her sky
And succumbed to her rival
But she never spoke of it
Her words screamed 'help"
Yet never her lips
But she smiled through it
Hiding
the reality of her wilt
This is my first time posting at forums. Thanks to an amazing human who told me there's a poetry forum! Let's see how it goes.
@adaptableTiger6950 I love how you’ve structured this—there’s a haunting rhythm to it that mirrors the internal conflict. The way the lines break and flow, especially with the repetition of “But she was,” creates a sense of inevitability, as though she’s trapped in a cycle. The phrase "guilty of her survival" struck me particularly—it’s such a raw, intriguing emotion. Also, the phrase "hiding the reality of her wilt". Looking forward to seeing more of your work!
@azurePond thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking your time to read and also write such a beautiful comment about it. I really appreciate it when people can go to the depths. It really means a lot. As for writing, it's on pause, since like a year. But I'm hoping to get back at it soon. Till then gonna post my old poems haha
2nd para, 4th line, it's "time she greeted silenced thunders"
And it's "hiding the reality of her wilt." There's no next line after hiding
@adaptableTiger6950
We are very glad that you were directed to this forum, for we get to see your work. I thought your use of oxymorons and celestial imagery alongside violent verbs and adjectives gave such a strong feeling of suffocation and impotent turmoil. It gives off the impression of masked desperation that elicits great sympathy. As @azurePond already said, looking forward to seeing more from you.
