therapy is painful (TW for self injury, hopelessness and general poor mental health

therapy is painful

(trigger warning, contains themes of self injury, hopelessness and poor mental health)

salt aggressively thrown into my wounds weekly,

to the point of them bleeding over again,

my mind fighting with burning desire

to make fresh cuts.

have YOU ever felt that heat?

of guilt and shame combined

with the pain of wanting to shed your own skin, but

not succumbing to the thoughts because people will stare,

concerned eyes burn holes in your limbs that almost hurt more

than the blade that you open yourself up with.

i never meant for this to happen, don't even remember where it began.

i'm swallowed by these things they call emotions,

to the point of outer silence

and inner screaming.

i put my walls up quicker than i can ask for help,

and reject the ink they print on tree remnants that feign my recovery.

agreeing to sit in a pure white room,

avoiding eye contact with a woman paid to care,

still feels like a mistake.

but then again,

i don't want to feel this way anymore.

© TJA 2024