Resignation (new poem, tw, SH)

@tjashton777

TRIGGER WARNINGS

Hello, there was a time that I couldn't resist so I ended up in a level 5 facility for the criminally insane. I met some kind people there and they figured out my current medications (1.5 decades ago) at first I used a heavy rubber band to snap myself to inflict a maximum amount of pain but I needed that pain because I couldn't handle emotional pain back then. (I LACKED THE COPING SKILLS BACK THEN) I drew a heart on my wrist and stopped punching my cell window closed at the same time. I attended many groups and adjusted medications and am in treatment for PTSD, depression and anxiety simply come with ptsd so finally one day I realized other people actually had it as bad if not worse than me. I had just lost my daughter to suicide. It took me about 2 full years before I had some of my will to live coming back artificially from the medications, but I felt blessed by being able to slow things down to a less manic pace. I wrote rhymes raps and songs 15 years ago and for the past 5 years I have been coming to 7Cups almost every day a few times a day (ever since my almost relapse). I tried Listeners every day and tried to solve my life's problems, I was about to become homeless and I was manic with severe anxiety and ideation. I resisted those urges to cut by calling the crisis line several times. I was pressing hard but shy of damage. When they found out I'm a veteran, they led me to get service connected with the VA. I got 3 counselors and stayed rent-free for one year, saved my money, bought a used truck. I'm not a church goer but I prayed for direction, will power, and purpose, I worked hard in the groups I attended because this was unbearable to live manic and paranoid plus depressed!!  COPING SKILLS is one of the keys, radical acceptance of traumas we have faced anything from a car accident to a scared for your life moment/s. We must let it out or it just cycles around causing chaos in our heads. So basically I focused on my life, I learned about self care and advocating for myself, I take my meds every day, I see 2 therapist now and I am service connected and receiving benefits for my disability. All this was possible because I received care from people that really care. I am in 2 free art groups and am currently drawing a wise old owl. Set small goals and your mind will see what blind eyes have failed to believe.I hope my little routine inspires you in some ways to learn to love the person you see in the mirror as if it were your own child. Crisis is like a thunder storm full of grey dark clouds and One thing I know for sure is: That sun comes blistering our radiating a beautiful blue sky every time. Emotions are like the weather in that respect! Self Care Self Care Self Care Self Care Self Care Self Care

ttys Blessings, Day

"Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter, don't mind" Tag me anytime

Blessings, Day