how to cope w/ family members , racial + gender identity and faith
tw // mentions of h0m0ph0b1a , r4c1sm , and religion
hello , i ‘ m a 16 year old black demigirl — but i come from a conservative , black evangelical family from the south
i ‘ ve been feeling so conflicted with myself for a while now , since 2021 when i began to become more conscious and self aware with my black identity
my grandma is a very religious pastor in the christian faith and also rooted in black conservatism — i want to tell her soo badly that conservatism is rooted in lots of bigotry yet i know she ‘ s far off from even listening to what i have to say .
often times i would find myself having panic attacks ( excuse me if im using the wrong term !! ) during september of last year because of because of a lot of end time theories — along with the euphrates river beginning to dry , a lot of that sent me into a spiral and i would often times have to calm my breathing because it was so nerve wracking
thankfully my mom who is a psychologist was able to support me a tiny bit , but i feel as if she ‘ s still being manipulated by my grandma
fast forward many months — i ‘ m still struggling with my grandma ‘ s bigotry , the anxiety of end times theology , my faith , and myself as a black demigirl
i ‘ d really appreciate some advice as of now , tysm 4 reading :)
@iheartbrandy Hi. I hear your struggle. You would like your grandmother to see what you see. I have a family member who I wanted very desperately to bring around to my point of view. It is frustrating and I can’t tell you how many times in my imagination I have delivered “the truth” to this person. I try to short circuit those thoughts when my imaginary lecture starts because I believe it’s a lost cause. If this person is to come to the truth it won’t be from my influence. If you want to start this conversation with your grandmother there are strategies but from what I can tell it would be like pushing a pawn around the world with your nose and your hands tied behind your back. Years! Forgive your grandma for what must seem to you to be glaring inconsistencies. It’s a bit of a lonely place sweetie, but maybe the choice of where to best put your energies will become clearer. Gaining wisdom is also a slow path, but much easier than changing others views. Questioning things is the path to wisdom and it’s often a bit uncomfortable. Sending warm wishes.
Don't be sad every soul is precious
Hi iheartbrandy,
Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way to speak to your grandma's belief of conservatism.
I think what may help is continuously learning and reading about your black identity which you're becoming conscious of, and building your own library (perhaps) of black history. I'm not sure if you share the same beliefs as your grandma, but if it is her beliefs that conflict you, I think it's best to understand the history of where she comes from. It takes a lot to change a person and to change their beliefs, even harder.
Another thing that may help is finding an outlet, do you have a place where you can freely express yourself? Like a journal, sport, video game, or painting? A place where you can express how you feel and your thoughts can be helpful to cope. The outlet is meant to help relieve some stress (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong).
Similarly, a hobby might help as a distraction for coping. Do you have anything you like to do? It could be taking a walk, taking photos, gardening etc, finding something you like to do can take your mind off of things temporarily.