Going through a lot alone

Hello I’m here to share what I’ve been going through lately. I sux at grammar so pls 🙃 I tried to keep it short as best as I could But To start most recently I’m dealing with heartbreak of a long distance girl that I’ve known for over 4yrs now. We are 14hours apart but talked everyday as if i was 1min apart.recently she visited my town again. She came to me and we went out for dinner every thing seemed fine we even watched the sunset before and didn’t make love but we were definitely more then friends In the moment. Truthfully we’ve always been more then friends. But I took her home later that night.and I went home nothing wrong all good. I don’t wanna type tooo much but I get home and we’re texting and I flirted with her like we always do then out of the blue just drops that she’s seeing someone else and can’t let what we have go any further. I’m having a very hard time dealing with the situation especially with no explanation or answer.

Other problem

so I’m 23 and still live with my parents😑 BUTTT I know what ur thinking “whys he 23 still at his parents wtf” I used to live in a place with roommates but had a bad experience and have just been with my parents because also where I live housing is crazy. But we recently got into a argument because my father’s birthday was this last weekend. The family had this planned to visit our home state and have a surprise party in his home town for him. But i am a dental assistant and Model. Unfortunately I had a model rehearsal the same day as the time we would be gone for his birthday. I had a choice to make and modeling is my dream career I’ve been Persuing it for a few years now but have been having a lot of success in it recently. So I told everyone that I won’t be making it and my step mom who has always had a problem with me made a huge deal out of it and even called it a hobbie and said I was selfish in front of my family. (I have been paied before so is it even a hobbie and does that make me selfish for chasing my dreams) but it reallly hurt to know that’s how she feels. She then told me I can’t do modeling under her roof ( did I mention I live in a tiny camper outside😪). Again long story short but she is having me out by sept 1 and we argue ya know but she seemed for real for real this time😳. It’s nearly impossible to be out by the 1st in the town I live in and the stress is destroying me. On top of still having to go to work as a dental assistant Acting happy in people’s faces having to live my daily life like it’s fine when on the inside I’m really screaming on fire.

this may not make sense either but I mention I model but I also have this weird social anxiety thing where when I’m in public I either look down at the floor while I’m walking or I get tunnel vision because I feel people are staring at me and it makes me feel weird In a way…? I don’t feel like I’m really embracing or taking in my surroundings. I noticed it effects me when I try to have a conversation or ask for help I tend to just struggle and try on my own. But literally the second I walk out of a store it’s a huge relief to finally be away from everyone.

at the moment I’m just feeling lost with no hope for love, my life and goals, or anything. I feel like I have no one to go to or help me thru this part of my life not even my parents. As a child my parents had lots of issues which I feel still effects me to this day and why I feel lonely all the time and struggle to communicate or advance in my life.

Any advise or opinions are appreciated ❤️