how do i know if i have bpd?

Hi there @loliborillco! First of all, a warm welcome here! Thank you for joining 7Cups and our subcom specifically :)

In order to have BPD diagnosed, you need to meet at least five of the nine diagnostic cryteria described by the DSM (which is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association). The nine criteria are:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; 2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"); 3. Identity disturbance: markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self; 4. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating); 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior; 6. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days); 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness; 8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights); 9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

You can read more here.

However, BPD cannot be self-diagnosed. If you think that what you experience in your daily life does resonate with symptoms of BPD, I would advise you to reach out to a professional and share your thoughts with them. Since you do not like psychiatrists, I would start with your GP and then see which other options are available.

I hope this helps!