Wearing a mask
Every Sunday I go to church and every time people see this person who happy and full of smiles yet inside I'm falling apart. I'm crying for help and nobody is aware. Everyday is a new mask of lies and more of cover up as if I'm living in a storyline... About to end pretty soon in heartache...
Just recently I had to face some very hard hash rejection from the OT who keeps hurting me. She called me and told me she afraid of me. After that phone call my world came to a dead still. Who am I ? Happy then sad ? Then angry then mad... Why oh why am I like this.. I didn't want to be like this, infact it is killing me ...breaking me... This illness I have and can not over come it... I have done dbt and even that has not help me... I now stare in the mirror and bash it with my fist of anger...and behide those scares is a broken little girl trying to talk. .trying to say anything ..but who am I ? What's life if you have this ? It only kills you and everyone around you. People say it gets better...but it doesn't... You only end up being alone and most of all...you end up wearing a mask...
@joyfulhorse
Wow! I can really tell that you're hurting and you're crying out for help, but no one seems to be able to help you. This disorder is awful and it's so hard to live with, but you're doing the best you can with what you have right now. Hang in there, dear! You're amazing, and you've got this, and if you just hold on tight and work really hard, I have faith that thing can get better. I've seen it happen. Stay strong.