Suspended from work
I have a question. I have some really bad issues that I’ve been trying to deal with but caused me to have an episode at work. I turned in an ada form letting them know I have Ms, adhd, ptsd, ocd, depression, severe anxiety, severe social anxiety, seizures, bpd and insomnia. ( I did not mention the insomnia in my ada ) I almost had a seizure the week before from stress and anxiety. I was shaking so badly I had to leave work in the middle of my shift. After that everyone was acting weird towards me. I’m not always the best but I try. This being said im a bartender. I went into work on a Friday and was told by my manager and hr person that I was being suspended until they could perform an investigation of whether or not I had been drinking at work and giving away beers to my significant other. I was not giving away beers, I always paid for them. I was drinking at work because my manager changes the damn menu every week and I have no idea what I’m doing half the time because it’s always different. This being said EVERY PERSON in the restaurant and the bar drink. The manager himself drinks wine every night with all the rest of the employees. So if they’re investigating me, shouldn’t every other person there get in just as much trouble as me? The servers were ordering drinks for themselves and everything. I need to email HR higher up in my company because I haven’t heard anything in two weeks. I honestly don’t want to go back but I don’t want to be fired. Any help would be seriously appreciated. I have no idea what to write in this email or how to go about it. Thank you in advance ❤️
@hollyhighh
Hi--I'm sorry that all of that happened. I'd be feeling pretty anxious if I had a stress-related seizure at my job that caused people to treat me differently and if I then got unfairly suspended for 1) drinking at work when everybody else does that including the manager, 2) being falsely accused of giving away beers for free.
If I'm understanding, your main goal in writing the e-mail is that you'd like a status update on what is happening with the investigation and when/whether you'll be able to work there again. So maybe a minimal e-mail might be something along the lines of just politely saying, "I was suspended a couple weeks ago from my bartender job pending an investigation into some accusations against me. I wanted to see if there's been any update on that investigation and when I can expect to find out if I'll be able to work again. Thank you."
The other possible goal I can think of for the e-mail is that you might want to defend yourself against the accusations. If you were to try to do that, probably you'd want to focus on presenting any facts/evidence that support your side, being open/honest/courteous, and offering to be available if they have any questions they'd like to ask as part of the investigation.
The thing is, I was drinking. And I know it’s on me to not have. But yes, everyone including my manager drinks there everyday during all of it and especially at the end of the day. Tbh I don’t want to go back to that job. I’d rather choose another that doesn’t hold my mental health problems against me. ( if it wasn’t for my severe anxiety around these awful people I probably wouldn’t have. ) But I also turned 30 fucking years old last week and I’ve never been fired from a job so it feels really really bad. I don’t want it to affect me negatively in the future. I’m way too anxious to go into a meeting with them. I feel like I’d start either crying or screaming in the room and neither of those options would get me anywhere. I don’t want anything from the job except not being fired or tbh I don’t know. Just something. I can’t prove anything. All I can really do is wait. But my significant other told me to email higher up on Hr just so it doesn’t mess with me later. Another side note; my manger also had me make every drink on the menu the week before I left so I could take pictures and he could make a “menu” for the bartenders. ( being myself and one other person. ) that same night he drank almost every one saying it was a “ shift drink “.
@hollyhighh
Aw, congrats on turning 30. 
That makes sense that you'd rather not volunteer to meet with them if it feels like it's just going to be panic-inducing and cause you suffering without necessarily significantly improving the situation. It's not really possible to prove that you paid for the drinks. And re: you drinking, if there's a rule against it then they can probably hold it against you if they want to regardless of what other people were doing. (It does still feel inconsistent/unfair to single you out for that if other people do it, e.g. manager taking "shift drinks").
That makes sense that you'd really like to not be fired from your job, it just feels really bad to have people upset or saying bad things about you, and you're worried about it possibly affecting the future. (All of that would be really stressful for anybody regardless of any pre-existing mental health issues that might amplify or complicate those feelings/reactions.)
If you do end up getting fired, I hope there's a bright side of being able to find a different place to work that is more understanding/kind. Here are some resources I was able to find that give some tips on how to discuss it in future job applications/interviews.
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/interviewing/how-to-explain-being-fired
https://www.glassdoor.com/blog/how-to-talk-about-being-fired-in-interviews/
I had a co-worker at my own workplace get fired a few years ago because he just stopped showing up for work, and he contacted me a few months later to let me know that he got hired by another place that he liked better and getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to him. Weird/positive things can happen. 
I legit just had to stop myself from crying.. this is the best response I could have received. I’m currently overwhelmed and exhausted so I will leave to come back for comment. But for fucks sake , thank you SO much for making me feel less alone ❤️
Also, thank you for responding. I feel v alone in this and am trying my hardest to make everything ( including myself ) okay again.
Are you sure that the complaint against you was even filed? Maybe it could have just been a threat. Is that possible ?
That’s actually v possible. And update: still haven’t heard ANYTHING from them. Technically I still work there so I can’t get unemployment. They just refuse to have anything to do with me.
but on the plus side, tomorrow I start a new bartending job and I’m not going to let them tuck me over. I know my worth and I know who I am. I’ve been home for months now and even though I’m not ready to face the day, I’m going to make myself do it. I feel like it’s the only way that I can take the steps to feeling okay and living my life again.
@hollyhighh
Just curious... did you turn in your ADA form before this suspension? If so this may be the reason behind the suspension. I've worked with collogues who treat me as a peer until they find out I have borderline personality disorder. After the subject is made known, I'm often met with criticism, sideways comments, and looks of distain. This is why I now work for myself.
At one place of employment I was made fun of on a regular basis because of my mental health. Little comments like "At least your not as crazy as the last girl". I ended up quitting that job, and was able to collect unemployment while I found a new job. The employer as found to be at fault for creating a toxic work place environment. I did have to fight the employer to receive the benifits, and had to read all of the toxic things people were saying about me on her behalf. That was difficult, but very telling of their character.
The last company I worked for I was let go over the phone, and the employer even stated "It's not like we can depend on you because of your mood swings". This from a company who begged me to come back after I gave my 2 weeks notice and trained the incoming employee. I was re-locating to a different part of the state, and the new employee left her key in the desk drawer after one week and didn't come back to work. I was told her last comment was "I don't know how (ARC80) did all of this!". Even thought I was moving I came back to work for this company and did remote work from my new home. I bailed them out of a tight spot and was returned with an excuse about my mental health disorder. It took me a couple of years to realize that I was being discriminated against.
You have rights... unfortunately, you have to fight for them. Something that can be very triggering, and exhausting depending on your mental state of mind.
I hope you find resolution, and are able to find employment with someone who values you. Thanks for letting me share my experiences with you.
This is just my opinion but I think they're trying to find a reason to let you go because you were honest about your mental health.
My employer asked all staff members for a full medical and permission to speak to their doctors. I refused because it was an evasion of privacy and had no impact on my job performance.
I think you should seek advice before sending an email if I'm honest.
Hope this has been helpful 😕