Struggling in Secret

Hey all,

I'm just stuck in such a bad place.

I used to see therapists growing up for depression and anxiety growing up. After I finished my last insurance-covered visit in high school, my dad thought I was magically better and wouldn't need to see anyone again.

I saw a professional to get evaluated two years ago, and they told me "pretty sure you have a mild form of BPD, but I'm not going to officially diagnose you because no therapist will want to work with you. You people are known to be pretty manipulative".

I've been struggling with that ever since that happened. I think I could really benefit from therapy but I'm currently unemployed (using my savings to pay for my apartment until the lease runs out in June) and I don't want my parents to find out I'm looking for help so I decided to come here.

Before anyone tries to say anything, my parents are good parents. My mom is the most supportive, strong, caring woman I've ever known and I'll be lucky if I can be half the woman she is when I'm an older adult. My dad is amazing - he just doesn't understand mental health as he's Irish and where he's from, mental health wasn't ever addressed. We're going through a stressful period as a family right now with my brother, so I don't want my parents to know I'm looking for help because it would stress them out even more and I don't think we can really afford to be shelling out money for things that I can try and battle on my own.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking to say actually. I just needed to put my thoughts into words that I could see.

Thanks for reading this.