Repression

I have been spending time druing my recent therapy sessions focusing on sexuallity and my need to appear normal. I have a great desire to be completely honest and open with everyone but find myself repressing my feelings to fit into a box that I wish my true self would belong to. I don't know if other borderline people have experienced this but I tend to be unable to form long term relationships. Its like I've hidden my real self so well that I can't even find it, so it is easier to have drunken one night stands. At the same time questioning my sexuallity may also play a role in this repression, as does the fact that I am Irish and was raised to never admit my feelings. Maybe in this platform, anonymously I can begin to take down the mask or at least have a place where I can be 100% honest with myself and others.

Do any of you desperatly want to live your true life but don't actually know what it is?