Relationship with bpd

Having the most misunderstood, ignored and least researched and supported mental illnesses today is not an easy hand to be dealt in life.

Yet you persevere and have been patient and persistent so far - you’re still here, you are doing things that make you happy like reaching out, acknowledging.

You have the awareness to see your illness for what it is and what ignorance is doing to your loved ones and yourself. This takes high levels of courage.

To regulate such a beast of an illness takes strength and wisdom as well. In my experience these qualities are to be very thankful and grateful for.

Placing ourselves on the mercy of something beyond our capabilities is to be human. To admit we will rather be happy then right is powerful, humble.

You have already started down the road of recovery. You started long ago. The seeds are planted. Perhaps there is some work to do on the soil.

Or maybe some weeds need pulling or rocks needs moving. Or maybe some compost needs to be added. Perhaps even a total overhaul is what’s needed.

Either way, within you is the ability to do this. When you’re quiet and listening to the voice beyond words you can sense the subtle pull of it’s guidance.

Go where it beckons. The ocean follows the moon and elephants follow the water. The earth follows its course around the sun. Follow your self.

Right now there is a lot of old dust and weeds and overgrowth. Whether this was passed down or grew along the way or both doesn’t ultimately matter.

What matters in that in you is the ability to change that. To choose to become the willing gardener of your life. To plant the best garden you can.

Perhaps it seems like it’s too late. Or that there’s just too much going on. Or this or the other thing is preventing your dreams. That’s just weeds!

We don’t reason with the weeds. We don’t negotiate with them. The weeds and snakes and bugs exist - how we respond to that changes everything.

Once you decide to change, the universe will pick up and move everything aside for you, clearing a path and putting things out for you to succeed.

This will happen over and over, indefinitely until you learn what you need to know. It’s benign - you won’t be punished or lost along the way.

Part of the illness may seems to be punishing you or putting you in positions of hopelessness and despair. Know that these foul winds are bringing gifts.

And as forest fire burns the old, overgrown undergrowth away, allowing new things to grow, so will the winds of change fan flames of cleansing release.

There nothing you need to do but remember to let go when the time comes. To bow before the unknown, and know it bows back. To truly see yourself.

See yourself a second at a time. One moment angry. The next peaceful. One moment sad. The next calm. One moment fearful. The next so serene.

As you notice these selves pass over and over again, your ability to choose how to respond to each one grows exponentially. No longer is the ruler ruled.

Perhaps you have more lessons to learn. More fires to endure. Endure them. They are your way out. THEY ARE YOUR WAY IN. Spark your dry bones.

Let every bit of you, from your cells to your space between your cells participate in this shift. Open yourself to transformation, to all good occurring.

Choose to enjoy the process. Choose to claim your right to choose. To take care of yourself. Show yourself what it means to stand. To burn. To wait.

While others rush around you, you’re calm and serene. You live burning to the ground. Your potential lies in the earth. You can feel it’s massive energy.

Others will notice your calmness. They will perhaps think it’s stupid. “What a crazy person!” They might say. And you will simply continue transforming.

And perhaps they never will know. That doesn’t matter as YOU know. And perhaps they become curious as your knowing resonates within them.

And they will ask you then why you wait when others rush, and fuss, and worry and hurry. And you will answer that you have seen fire and wind.

And because they have never seen it but know such things in their deepest crevasses of being, they will shiver and something will alight deep within.

There are worlds to burn within us. Identities. Personalities. Words. Sentences. We do so one small twig at a time, and mountains at a time. It depends.

The way is within you. The impossible things, people and places - untold wealth, happiness and health lie at our feet. Between miles of old dead dreams.

So pick up your eternal matches. Strike them to flame, and drop it on those husks of the past that twist and rent your shadow into one unrecognized, monstrous.

The sabotage, the humiliation. It will burn away. The losses, the relived emotions, the stories we retell in hopes they might explain it all away.

It will be carried into space. The space within time. And what will be left is simply YOU. All your dead branches and leaves and what you don’t need...

THAT WILL BE GONE: The memory only left to nourish the body in life, in your life of abundance and serenity, security and limitless, unlimited prosperity.

It already is so. All you need to do is strike the match, and watch the glow. Say you want this flower or that fruit tree to grow. Ignore what says no.

Ignore what ignores. You’re beyond words. You’re at the door to your precious and endless self. You’re waiting for you. Worth waiting for.

@scarletSouth4398