Obsessed and Paranoid
I love the idea of getting to love someone for the rest of my life because I feel completely empty when I don't have a relationship. Please don't tell me any advice like finding oneself or enjoying being single because I'm tired and I know enough about myself, I'm just desperately lonely all of the time.
Friends are great but nothing compares to having someone love me romantically even though I never believe they really love me to begin with. I really wish I could trust someone enough to know they love me but I don't believe anyone loves as much as I do, especially not romantically, when all my exes have moved on incredibly fast.
I wish i was already married but also I'm completely repulsed by relationships because I expect everyone to lie to me and not care about me regardless of how long I date them or how much I trust them. I expect to be cheated on and I expect to be completely devalued and forgotten even though I wish someone loved me as obsessively and painfully as I love them....
I want to throw up when I think about a relationship but I also would do anything to get to have a healthy one.... Again, I really don't want to be alone so any advice to enjoy being single is a dead end that I don't want to hear right now because I'm having mood swings.
Hi there @PoisonCupcakes
I do not have many words of comfort tonight, but I wanted to say that I understand your feelings very well, that I know how difficult and exausting mood swings are and that I find very positive the insight and awareness you have. Just sitting here with you.
@admaiorasemper Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Reading that made me feel better.
I'm in a better mood now that some time has passed and I think I needed to listen to the advice my intuition wanted me to hear but I was rejecting honestly because it's important to be your own person even though its such a frustrating idea when you're feeling lonely. Issues like this are solveable and it takes time to figure out, I feel like anyone with a great capacity to love will be able to find a relationship that makes them happy even though a lot of things are needed to work through beforehand.
I hope the love you seek, both internal and external, comes your way soon as well because you're a very kind and empathetic soul. ❤
@PoisonCupcakes
I am really happy to read that you are feeling better and that my words helped you a little bit <3
I was very moved by your words and wishes. Thank you so much.