My bpd and choices part 2

During this time we need people who cares about us, a time when everyone is in the season of Christmas, for me I pretty much have been on my own, have no friends, the church I attend has close it doors for a hole month, and bible group has also stop, it made me so angry, because My OT really wanted me to have my own support set up, the 2 things that are really meant to support me is not even standing by me. I have taken this as a learning step, when a bump hits me I treat it as a car would, (never drove a car) but I know you have to drive slowly over it, if you drive fast your car gos abit off the ground and you bump your head on the roof, I needed to create a plan, I decided to start making smoothies with the people who have really hurt me and give them a 2nd chance, My OT and I call my good r.ships with people smoothies and we call the ones that end badly a kaboom. I am very good at getting people to like me, I get on with them and we click but keeping them is a huge problem.

Awhile back I made a very close friend, we call her R. R and I got very close, and she really was a very good friend for me. When ever I needed a hug ill go to her, and when I needed to cry I would go to her. Our friendship fell when she betrayed me and hurt me deeply, from that moment I began to go downhill. Lots of things were the cause of my break down but this was also part of it.

I couldnt even work with her, or be around her, and after awhile I didnt see her at all, one Sunday I was at church when she walk in and greeted me, it took me to surprise, I walked out, I was angry at the fact she could just be nice after she hurt me so much, when I relies that she did something good.

I also hurt her, I wasnt innocent in this it takes 2 to tango!

I really had to pray and work on my heart towards her because it tore me so much.

When about a week ago I decided to speak to her after a long time of not, I wanted to make a smoothie with her and build a good friendship with her. I forgave her and she forgave me. We even plan to have ice cream this week!

The hardiest thing is to make good smoothies. I had to learn to not put lemons in to my friendships when there is apples only.

My choice is to forces on something good instead of what I dont have. What matters is that I can go on with my day with peace knowing I have good smoothies.