I think I have bpd... maybe
Basically I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t know who I am and I am ruining lots of things. I constantly doubt my relationship the second I am not physically receiving love or some type of reassurance, which means I constantly believe that I am unlovable. This either makes me mad or sad and it changes multiple times in a day. I am constantly finding myself morphing into what o think people want out of me so I genuinely don’t even know who I am as a person any more. Anything and everything can send me into an overly emotional frenzy and I can’t predict what emotion may come out of it. I don’t know if I’m making up connections because I want some kind of “answer” to my problems or if bpd is something I’m actually living with and not making up for attention, even though I don’t get any kind of attention from it because I keep most of my outbursts to myself and don’t even know where they come from.
@straightforwardPear3480
Hi, thanks for sharing. 
That sounds like a lot to be dealing with:
- You feel like you're not receiving the level of intimacy/love that you'd like, which leads to varying reactions.
- Sometimes you feel lonely or like there's something wrong with you that makes you unlovable
- Sometimes you feel angry and like other people are at fault for failing to support or understand you adequately
- You feel like you don't really have a core identity and find yourself shape-shifting to become what other people want
- You find yourself reacting very strongly to things in a way that you can't really predict
- You feel like you need to keep all of these feelings to yourself because it causes problems when you express them
I can't really speak to whether you have or don't have BPD, and nobody but a medical professional would be able to make that diagnosis. However, much of that does feel like it fits with themes associated with BPD. Whether you "have" BPD or not, it might still be the case that support/resources associated with BPD may feel like they resonate or are helpful.
(FYI, I don't personally feel like you're making stuff up. 
There are things that are happening, they're confusing/painful, you're trying to find a way of explaining them, and right now BPD feels like it has some descriptions that fit well.)