Is this bpd?
One day i randomly got obsessed over a famous person and i usually do that in a creepy way but i cant help it. I watched the person everyday (he's on YouTube) and thought about him 24/7. The problem is that he's famous and there's an 11 years age gap so it's obvious it's now gonna work but i started blaming myself for everything, that I'm not pretty enough, that I'll never be enough, self harm, suicide thoughts, constantly crying and holding back tears when somebody is around and this all happened suddenly and now I'm super depressed and I push away people who actually love me and care about me and I feel like I'm too young for this. I dont know what's happening, why is it happening i want to stop feeling this way about certain people. Im glad I found 7cups because i desperately need to know what's happening, I can't find the courage to talk to my parents about this and there are no trusted adults I can talk to. I'm also not sure if this is bpd or something else so please help me. What is happening?
@Sofisofi11
Hi, thanks for reaching out. đ I'm not able to say whether you do or don't have BPD (only a mental health professional would be able to diagnose anything). But I can feel from reading what you wrote that the obsession with this famous person is causing a lot of pain.
It seems sort of like the way things are going is:
1) The person you're obsessed with is famous and there's an age gap, so it's unlikely you'd be able to have a close personal connection with him
2) The "it's not going to work" feels like it leads to "it's not going to work because I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough, there are so many things wrong with me, and that's why it won't work".
3) Then from there, it feels like you notice how upset/depressed you are and feel even worse like "I'm too young to be depressed like this, everyone is worried about me, this shouldn't be happening"
***
I feel like the 1st part of that makes a lot of sense and I can relate to that. (E.g. I adore Hayley Williams from Paramore and I'm even in the right age range, but 500 million other people adore her too, so I probably have no shot. đ)
With the 2nd part, I wonder if instead of "it's not going to work because I'm awful", another way to think about it might be "it's unlikely going to work because it's really unlikely for *anybody* no matter how amazing/perfect they are. It's not that there's necessarily anything wrong with me. The chances of anybody becoming super-close to a famous person are low no matter who they are." Maybe you're judging yourself against a near-impossible standard?
With the 3rd part, I did some searching and found that there's actually something called "celebrity worship syndrome" that's really common (1/3 of all teenagers experience it). So, it feels like maybe your experiences might be something that a lot of people have and struggle with at some point. đ
https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/celebrity-worship-syndrome/
In the new Billie Eilish documentary âThe Worldâs a Little Blurry,â 17-year-old Billieânow a global superstar herselfâtalks about the over-the-top crush she had on Justin Bieber just a few years earlier. Her obsession was so intense that she cried in her room for hours, to the point that her parents considered taking her to therapy. When Eilish actually meets her idol at the Coachella music festival, in a moment captured by the filmmakers, she is overcome with emotion and sobs in his arms.
