Friendship attachment
Hi, I'm looking for some support and guidance and advice on attachment. I'm so attached to an older friend right now that it's all I think about and it's driving me crazy. My friend knows and understands, but I'm just in need of someone who has been there and can maybe shine some light on this.
Without wanting to 'probe',I would need a little more details to engage in any semi-intelligent conversation with you.
When you say 'attachment', whatexactly do you mean? Is it physical, emotional? I'm not one who thinks age is that big of a difference unless it is to you.
I think everyone 'suffers' from attachment ofsome kind. Don't let it be damaging.
Be well
I have BPD, the type of attachment I'm referring to is unhealthy idealization. I always think about her and want to be with her.
You arefar from being unique. It doesn't take a diagnosis of BPD for someone to 'fall in love' with ourown image of what someone is. We make it up; why should it be perfect.
Don't beat yourself up!
Be gentle and patient with yourself. Seek out any assistance you may need. It's a long journey, but people will be there for you.
I have had that same issue. I became good friends with someone and he helped me through a really difficult time. Then he had to step back because people were starting rumors and he didn't want to hurt his marriage. (And I understood that completely since I was also friends with his wife) losing him as my best friend was devastating to me and I eventually ended up in the hospital partially because of that. I've tried several times to get the friendship back but it just is never going to be like it was so I have gone to the extreme and I ignore him when I see him. I'm all or nothing. Now I'm starting to find that I am way too attached (dependent) on my doctor and that's starting to cause issues now. I definitely latch on and idealize and then once something goes wrong I immediately push them away so I won't get hurt (although it always hurts anyway and then I have the added anger at myself for being such a fool) I don't know how to change it, but you probably need to find a way to "tone it down" if you can. If you're anything like me, you will end up ruining the friendship with your attachment.
I have ruined many friendships, but I don't know how much to turn it down because we barely see each other, I just text her every day and it's not as bad as it was but I have been working on it. She's a lot different than friendsiI have had before. one time I thanked her for putting up with me and in reply she said "I don't put up with my friends, I love them" which made me cry so much. There's just something so different about her, even other people are drawn to her, but I just feel so out of place and I feel so undeserving of her love and friendship and her willingness to stay by my side.
You are deserving. Be careful saying this 'lie' to yourself. Left unchecked, you will say things like that until you truly believe it.
Give yourself the time and help you need to help your type of suffering. We all suffer i our own ways. Some cope better than others. Who know how or why? It's like asking what makes up the small memories we have.
Be well.