BPD episode in public

I went to a party with my friend and she pinky promised me we would leave in 40 minutes. I chugged my two beers because we would be leaving soon so I knew I wouldn’t be drunk there and had water in the car. We didn’t end up leaving and two people got into a fight next to me. It was very triggering and put me in flight or fight mode the rest of the night. I got very aggressive and angry, partially from my friend, partially from the fight and partially because I had plans to see someone I liked after the party which I was now “flaking” on because I didn’t have a way home. I got pretty aggressive with everyone there tbh and at one point I got on the back of someone’s dirt bike. They ended up crashing it and it landed on me. I was drunk atp and then they told me they would come back for me and took off on the bike. I didn’t wait for them to come back because it didn’t make sense I couldn’t ride back with them. I remember looking towards where our car was and looking at the party before I chugged his beer he handed me and went towards the party. I wish I went to the car. When I got back I started crying and hitting myself because I wanted to hurt him but I don’t like thinking like that or hurting people so I hurt myself instead. But I did it in front of everyone and it wasn’t a huge party either. We left atp because of me and in the car I kept crying and I hit my leg again. I got home really late and I tried to call the person I like 7 times because I really wanted to see them at 1 am. I then hurt myself and broke some things I really loved to punish myself for going there in the first place which I’m also regretting. I feel so bad about this all. I feel like this triggered a lot for me from abandonment wounds to ptsd from the violence and the canceling plans.

I’m working on learning to regulate my emotions and tell when an episode is coming on to stop it before it gets bad. I’m also not going to go to any parties soon.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.