BPD and work + friendship breakups
I don't know where to start.
I recently had a fall out eith my group of "friends". A frustratingly long and slow fallout. I accept it, I'm trying to move on, but it still hurts. I dread the possibility of seeing this people as they are still friends with my friends.
I know it's healthier for me this way, they have demonstrated to be fake friends and don't care about me, but it's hard to let go. It's such a long grieving process. And over people who never really liked me to begin with? I feel pathetic.
But i have a more pressing problem and it's work. I feel disrespected and unappreciated at work. My boss, who used to be cool is increasingly losing his patience with me and treating me with less respect that other employees. I'm not the only one who noticed this double standards, as my co-worker noticed them too. I'd say 1/4 of my coworkers don't like me. Which doesn't sound to bad, i actually became friends with some if them. But the ones who don't are the ones in power or who have been there the longest.
It's hard going to work. I feel a weight in my chest, my lows intensify and i get random urges of crying. I feel s tic toc in my heart like I'm about to explode. I don't know how to deal with all this emotions. I'm scared I'll snap in the middle of my shift. To make matters worse, my superior is unpredictable and snaps and yell at times. I find myself thinking what I'll do if she yells again. It's hard to stay professional. It's hard to take the high road
Moving on from friends is hard even if they werent real friends to begin with. Ive experienced this a lot and even though with some of them its been years, I still find myself missing the person.
it sounds like youre dealing with a lot at work and that is really challenging. It sounds like a relatively toxic work environment. One thing I appreciate about my job is that its sort of in the mental health field so my supervisor understands mental health. I have had a lot of problems with work myself. When you have an unpredictable supervisor it makes it even more difficult.
I feel a lot of those same physical sensations when Im at work even though my work isnt toxic. I have been slacking so much at my job because of the way I feel at work. For example right now the kid Im working with is playing on a tablet while Im responding to this post. While technically its okay hes on his tablet because he is potty training and earned a break from sitting on the toilet there are other things I could be working on with him.
Balancing mental health and work can be really hard and Im sorry youre experiencing so much trouble at work
@BeluBerry
@BeluBerry
My therapist has recently explained to me that many of the feeling rections you are having are emotional flashbacks. Are you familier with Pete Walkers book on complex PTSD? He has a 13 step plan as to how to deal with these. You can download the list from his website http://pete-walker.com/pdf/13StepsManageFlashbacks.pdf His main site is http://pete-walker.com/index.htm He has lots of good resources, his own blogs and other books that have been important to him on this journey.
@indigoCup1959
I meant to say - feeling reactions. I forgot to do a spell check