Abandonment

I've lost a lot of people. Some died, some friendships failed and some were fake. A friend recently said that "I am lucky I lied about everything" I knew there were lies but I did not think so much was. This seems to be true...it hurts so much to think they acted like they cared about me and they were one of the people I loved the most.

I am extremely lonely and upset that...not all friendships will last. Perhaps...sometimes I love people too deeply.

They enjoyed it? Seeing us all getting traumatized? Me ending up having seizures, panic and anxiety attacks, my sleep schedule, just about my entire mental health state getting 2x as worse? Why would someone do this while knowing me and other people are already suffering due to abuse going on within the household.

I feel so lonely and maybe I'm better off alone. Maybe im an complete loser and have little worth. I don't know but I hate myself. I'm starting to feel bitter again. I'm deeply upset about what I thought was my best friend even as a big sister is a lair, some cruel person who took an entire year of not only my life but others too. wasted our time, made us all mentally sicker.